...all i want is you.

-- Thursday, February 27, 2003 --

'...but that would explain my stabbity urges.'
no rant today. just thought id post something that's not miserably pointless. quote from latest 8-bit.

mused dettie at 11:05 AM [+]
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fireworks in my head illuminate the dark
and what i see; in each and every spark...
happy moments in my life...
moments that went by all too fast.

i read the words on the pages of a notebook well worn down...
and remember all the days ive worn a frown...
sweet sad agony...
swingin' high and sinkin' low...
i wonder if this could be called a life.

mused dettie at 8:38 PM [+]
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i decided to spend my spare period reading webcomics and doing these. blah... went against cramming my math project which was due on friday... but oh well. no matter really... i have to be back by 11; and stuff... but yeah! congratulations to trish!!! yayzerz! i 'huzzah!' to that. woohoo!

dom's doing a comic for MT soon!!!!! and i knew thief was the prince of elfland!!!! thief gots amazing skillz ya? but i still love fighter more. oh oh adorable fighter!!!!! heehee. pixel pals are uber funny... really. or maybe im just incredibly shallow and freakishly high on sugar. oh well i dont care. laughing is laughing and thats all there is to it.

7h353 p30pl3 n3x7 70 m3 are talking about this GF person from some place. funny. they honestly... no offense to them... but they sound so freaky. its so obvious theyre just being uber mushy to show off to each other how their girl is better than the other and girls want them... cause theyre the 'sensitive guy' ya? i giggled at that and they all looked and turned to me at the same time. scaaaary. wellza, people are really scaring me. the freaky lezzy is being freaky nicey to me again. [if you think its her, its her alrighty... if u know what i mean...] im scared. hmmn... math unit test. gyaaaah! need to review factoring... jk. its easy as pie. i have a thing for algebra. im kinda good with terms and variables and all those schnazzy crap you never use in real life. its all nifty cool. but i tend to slack... so now im failing bwahahahaha

mused dettie at 10:54 AM [+]
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yay to cuzin trishie!!!! yay yay yay for her!!!! **hugs trish**

im sorta kinda ok you guys. other than my pc exploded of sorts... i think they shorted it. i dunno. i havent been using it for days now and well... i guess now... poof! all my nifty mp3's are gone! and i cant blog everyday... and the layout i was doing will be waaaaasted. and i miss everyone. im fine. jaa ne! social class is over.. and i should get my ass out of here.

mused dettie at 10:11 AM [+]
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blah... for the most parts... i did all the important things i felt im supposed to do in the mere 30 minutes that have passed since i left social class. i, am supposed to write the test today... but...

i miss you guys! this is the last 'important' thing i have to do. well; i saved the best for last. i read MT, 8-Bit, penny-arcade, bob&george, pixel-pals, and dropped by the MT forums. i think i peeked in the y.o.r, praning, and a bunch of message boards i generally am a member but never posted a single thing. i missed wasting away posting nonsense, and bumming infront of the pc more than i missed any other thing in my life. and with all the crap i have going, now isnt really the right time. not that cutting off my inet would be bearable anytime at all; but i feel like now really isnt any better. i acctually think its worse, pure math, social, r.s, science, catch up for english, desktop, and art; plus the production coming on me at full force isnt really a picnic at all. i swear to god id fall apart eventually... ive been writing more than i physically ever wrote in less than a week. i wrote about 7 or 8 pages of crap on paper... and counting. its been working for me. sure my fingers were killing me... but i guess that beats cutting or burning myself intentionally. im still pretty messed up... but you people need not worry if you ever were worried. i guess ill be fine today. and maybe tomorrow... and maybe the day after that... but if i start ranting shit like i normally do... just bear with me like you've been bearing with me over the past few months. its just that... i can only take so much you know... any more and id come crumbling down. and right now; im dealing with so much i cant bearly deal with school. i know nothing's going on... but there's this feeling thats just killing me and i dont understand it either.

there are days that im just... not in anything. those are the good days. there are times when i just think of nothing that matters. nothing that's supposed to matter matters to me. and i feel free. and i feel fine. but they would eventually come back... and stab me like a million knives digging deep, deep in me. but for the time beaing... i wont go there.

fred [piro; maker of MT] and sarah [seraphim; piro's conscience in MT] are engaged. apparently piro [im more fond of that name gomene?] proposed to seraphim [refer to other caption] whilst they were at this katsucon thing during the 'blizzards' over the east coast. its pretty fun news. i have no relation to either of them... but ive been following through Mt since last, last year... and ive grown fond of those Mt people. it was sad when largo-san left MT [mope mope mope] but its all good. its really cool. piro and seraphim are getting married! sometime soon! sugoi sugoi sugoi!

if youre interested; nuklearpower.com has fun-ny episodes! gyahaha! i really did laugh over those things you know... it was freaky... but its all good since... i dunno! if you dont honestly think fighter is adorably adorable... you havent been reading enough 8-bit!!!!!

sweetness. now thatw asnt that bad right? thankyou for reading and if you are reading this; im begging you to sign my frickin' guestbook! okei?

mused dettie at 10:02 AM [+]
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yea... i get to use tita mina's pc. it sucks...but its connected and all... and im desperate. i cant wait to go back to school on tuesday. why? just cause then i can blog longer. LONG. i miss everyone! i got to log on just now, and tita mina told me to log off... but i need to blog. i just want to say, that i am so pissed of at you mom. and when i said that i wasnt threatening. i was just letting you know. and dont dare me cause i will. and im not saying i wont if you dont make me.

happy valentines day to everyone. specially those who took the time to tag me up! labyoo minna!!!

vanya: im working on it. sorry i forgot to bring the disc i saved it on, but yea. i hope u guys like it! its pretty lame... and all since i am out of ideas, and time...a nd everything... but yeah. i just thought its funny. i mean... i dunno. its almost like something id do.

you know who you are::: happy valentines day. labyootoo. and no; i didnt take it as a joke. and im still scared and stuff. but you should know that i do. uhm... yea.

mused dettie at 6:59 PM [+]
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bleh. still no inet. but oh well. all's good. anyway, its so strange. everything is. and i cant really go into details and whatnot... but everyone! i miss you!!! terribly! much love k? please. PLEASE!! sign my guestbook. its sad. [no really. no one's signing it.]

btw; what the hell is kuhol? and i like moments by westlife @ charmy [i just kept forgetting that. bleh]

basta sorry mark! uhm... ill call u na lang next time. mommy kasi eh. la lang. @ mark

ate! ill call u next time okei? flat broke. la lang. basta next time. kk? @ ate gem,

miss you much @ ernest

YOU ARE SUCH A BAD DOG! @ patches

mused dettie at 3:40 PM [+]
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oh. heeeey you! no inet right? well; we need this special cablewire thing. so anyways. iwas typing... and typing.. and typing... and it got to 10KB. funny. and its in notepad. and im STILL adding more. misha pased UP! wtg gelagoolay! ang sayasaya! wellz, i need to sleep. blaaaaah.

mused dettie at 11:16 AM [+]
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boo! MAKE MY GUESTBOOK HAPPY!!!

patches chewed on the cable thing for themodem so, inet's down at home. i just hate patches so much. he's so adorable.

hmmn... im totally out of sleep. all weekend, i couldn't get a freakin' wink of sleep. one, friday, was so frickin' retarded. i have no idea why i couldnt sleep... haha. well, even the insomniac ec turned in way before i did! and bri was at the hospital over night. and the 'rents got home at 3... and i turned in at 4... and staye in teh room till 12, and yeah. no sleep. saturday night was so retarded. my sister was so sick she was delirious [sp.chk] and she kept crying, and calling dad. so dad was in out frickin room. shit that. i kept hearing him say 'ok ok, nadito ko. ok ok tama na' and i was all grumpy, so i went downstairs and had coke. i know, i know... im not supposed to... but i guzzled down 4 litres of coke in 2 days... plus the coffee. i know. coffee. again. i cant help it. everything's stressing me out! even the thought of 'home' isnt cheering me up cause everyone is so frickin' pissy! last night i tried to turn in early since i had no computer to bum out on. if only i didnt get rid of the games!!!! well, anyway... i finishe all my homework. [whoopteedoo!] and i still aint tired. so i went downstairs for some hot chocolate. uhm... the coffee was infront of the chocolate mix thing. so you know... err yeah. went to bed. so i was there... on the floor... grumbling. i kept saying 'nak ng tokwa naman eh! there's school tomorrow~ fuck' and my sis was all, ate, matulog ka na kaseee~ blah

too muchmath homework. i hate math pure. its easy as hell, but there's too much frickin' homework. i just realized spanish is such an easy ass class. i should sign up for it. but i wouldnt have a spare! holy hell!!!!

uhm, i hould email ate gem. u.u i miss her. i spent too much time on the computer... at home. figuring out this thingie. hehe. yeah. planning on a new frickin' layout. maybe come march ish. its nothing fancy mind you... but im a frickin' slacker. what do you expect? i miss ernest. u.u mark!!! sorry! i had to hang up. kasi mom was practically pulling the phone off of my ears... eek. so sorry! i'll try to call you uhm next time na lng. u.u so sorry.

mused dettie at 10:44 AM [+]
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paieh is a bad dog. yea. patches attacked me. well; no. i harrassed him. and he retaliated. lol

didnt go to school again . i could almost say skipping school is my specialty. blah. bri's operation right now. poor baby sis. erck. i wish i get operate on. then there'll be some sort of system failure then id be left for dead. whoosh~ poor baby sis. i wish i was the one there~

evil valentines day is coming up. i'm dating my pc again. hahaha~

okei~ im bored.
my seventeen valentine years
1: valentine isnt even a real word
2: i said balemtayms instead of valentines daw.
3: i adored the chocolates my tita's'd get. i figured 'balemtayms' is a chocolate season.
4: brought cards to school; para daw trade... bleh. so i asked mommy to make me some~ hehe
5: had to make cards for my class. 12 people in my class btw.
6: spent the day with my cuzin. we already quit K-1 so we werent at school.. the teacher was a bitch so we stopped coming to school come mid november. =Þ
7: aww; we celebrated val's day at school. the teacher was uber nice. but she had to leave us. u.u
8: ah! the tomboy. i practically had a verbal war with everyone in my class come valentines. i didnt make cards; i didnt get any either hehehe.
9: ms j was nice. i got a chocolate heart. lol i was happy. oh and cuzin shea got a bunch of cards~ me; nada. zip~ lol. well except from a few people. they felt bad for me? lol
10: wehehe. gr3~ war freak on the loose. gave everyone cards for valentines. sayin 'tagal ko nang gustong sabihin sayo; na crush na crush kita. pero, may crush ka nmn kay [insert name of the uber popular girl at the time]. pero sasabihin ko na din na crush kita.' i didnt sign them. lol. tapos sa back nung card nakalagay; crush kong itulak dun sa tulay sa may creek.'
11: wahaha~ gr4~ err; the cheating contreversy! kasi i was err; 'helping out' someone with the finals hehe... anyways; i dated the fishball guy. lol. jk. just ate a whole lotta fishballs...
12: erck~ 5th grade~ i kinda had a weird event with the clean-up group. err; victor was hugging me - - well; i punched and kicked like hell. you get the point. after school; lanie; me and shea played 'millionaire's game' sa tuktok ng bahay nina lanie.
13: aww... ggraduate na kami~ lol masaya. la lang. nag outing buong class. swimming thing; na muntik na nmn akong malunod. markjohn grabbed my hair [ouchie] and dragged me back lol... mj and i used to be mortal enemies. he's gay; well so we tease.
14: woohoo! nasa bahay lang ako; kasi i quit school. kasi kaaway ko na yata lahat ng teachers ko saka binagsak na ko ng math teacher ko. saka naloloko na nmn ako sa mga inaatupag ng jackass eh. kaya yun. i quit. kaya vals day; solo flight sa bahay nina tita; nasa puno ng mangga. nagbabasa yata ako ng komiks nun... kasi sina ate indang may komiks eh. tapos nadun na sina mariva... ang ggagago nila. super.
15: dami kong dates lol ... err... had a date with tita mina's pc. haha. 16: had a date with this p.o.s. **taps pc's monitor** i was eating some cake and drinking cokes while a bunch of people greetded me.
17: dundun dun~~~~~ [abangan]

BA-NGA~~~G. yun lang. bangag na nmn ako. bwahaha~

mused dettie at 1:14 PM [+]
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quite honestly; everything's all good. ok?

there's nothing better; than watching an evil child look so frickin helpless; while you hear their curdling screams.

mused dettie at 6:40 PM [+]
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didnt go to school today. instead; i wasted away, layin' on the floor. i was so frickin' weak.

finally have the chords to this song. i dunno... but i was kind of obssessing over getting to play this song for days. and... this other song im obssessing over... haru. heeh. i wanna call ate gem~ i wanna call!!! i need phone cards! call! phone call! i want phone cards! money to buy phone cards!

how many days... sunday... monday... tuesday... today. missyoo~ u.u

i got chhords done1 yay! yay yay! well not really... almost. but you know... i feel like i accomplished sumthin real major! i miss charmy. she's too busy. u.u charmy's too busy!

oh ya... janice is nice. ÜÜÜ she's in my social and science class. i honestly hate social. u.u oh; i have a spare tomorrow! sugoi!

interesting happenings? we have no TV. so yea. my sis is so bummed. i love all the mush. la lang. teaching some phrases to mc. ewan.

mused dettie at 9:47 PM [+]
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didnt go to school today. instead; i wasted away, layin' on the floor. i was so frickin' weak.

mused dettie at 9:47 PM [+]
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im sick. something's not right.

mused dettie at 10:49 PM [+]
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bah! the vampire thing is seriously addicting. ash got me lunch. and yes... is pent mym oney again. im supposed to saaaave up!!!!! anyways; dont you think ping from Mt as a cute thing? she is cute. i want a ps2 accessory like her. hahaha.

i think the elevators got flooded too. what the hell? this school is frickin' welfare. it looks alright and all; but its got too much faulty shits goin' on. and i like her sunday best too. bah cuzin trishie kept going on about them so i got obssessive.
obssessions::
stephen speaks
soujirou seta...[you'd think by now im over him psh]
ice cream! [always was; always will be]
her sunday best
cookies.
my 'to die list'

spend half the day feeling worse than drugged. bah. im all woozy and shit, and my head weighs a ton. bleeeh. ash isnt here yet... she went to get food. u.u math class... and science... then rehearsals... hmmn. i forgot the dance sequence. i honestly hate to hate; but it seems like im loving hjating stuff. ironic i know... but...well... i hate dancing; but i like mrs schiele; so... im stickin around. people should stop using hallways as a rendezvous spot. its so retarded; and i hate it caus ethey make me walk slow. people make me walk slow... and make me wait too. >> yea~ you make me wait!!!!!

ok im eating!

mused dettie at 12:37 PM [+]
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laying low on th lazy side.
too much stuff went on over the week end i guess. yeah. fun. **verbal irony** sunday was bad. was sick for the most parts... and it was retarded. no one was on! well; except for charisse~ yay! anyways... yea... ive been feeling pretty shitty since. feels so weird. like; my head weighs a ton, and its just bad. ergh.

anyways; was retarded this morning. i had a glass of OJ; and sat there. my sis was being a real drag... and they left at 8:07. ergo; i had to wait 10 extra minutes. i missed my bus. geesh~ good thing i got to class just about on time. social was ok. we had to do this map thing... determine states, major cities... territorial boundaries, provinces and capitals... ok. i'd admit i did pretty ok considering i never did these kinds of things before. acctually i did better than almost everyone in that class. oh well. its all good. minus the fact that my heaad was killing me. again. bah. one frickin' state kept getting my eyes though. bleh.

i had religious studies for second period. its all good. i mean; atleast i dont have sister dorothy. mrs. lomas is just nice. and i kinda like her. well; the lower east wing was flooded for some derange reason, so english classes was transferred to the tehater for this morning; and religios studies to the music room. i just realized i loved the key boards better than guitars. and to think i was kinda good at it too. considering; i was just winging it at first then hitting keys i remembered. anyways... we watched this movie called school ties with branden fraser [spell check]. i died. almost. well; the classes were all extended cause we have no tutorial blocks for this week.

check in was ok. ms taggart just stressed on seeing mom for TAPS. what now? more crap to throw my way? haha~ its all good. ill try to make up for everything i failed. that is... i dunno... they better not take this all away from me now.

well; lunch was dead. i went to the library and checked my email... deleted a bunch of junk. oh well. anyways... i should scan the stick people drawings... hahaha. speaking of which; i never did those in ages... haha. i should really learn from rock bottom again. you know... starting from the beginning... ground zero. my head weighs a ton. argh~ i dont want to bring advils to school with me cause i tend to over dose. taking 6 tabs at a time... i think about things i used to do and i shiver. haha. and; just for the nice things, i dont burn my fingers anymore. i still keep my lighter. acctually i have 2 lighters now. one is black; the other is white. the white one is attached to my keys... so... haha.

we had another diagnostic for math. it was all geed. science; well; its all good too.

another rehearsals tomorrow... ash was asking me to come to her house today but i said no. good thing. my sister's being a real bitch. i just hate her sometimes. she was even asking mom that she should come home this summer. not me. i was angry. and i just said; im gonna die if i dont get to go soon. and i think they didnt take me seriously. but i meant it. im only getting out of bed every day knowing im gonna have my break soon. im counting days... that's what's keeping alive so far... hahaha. trash talk again. geez dette. get a hold of yourself...

i used to always post at the 'x' site... but... toni's just... so i still post; but its rather limitted now. my head hurts. i still need to put away dishes... almost 11. im taking advils to go to sleep. ihavent slept in days... and im starting to fall apart. i think i should really be a loner again. hahahaa... i need to eat... must eat... havent had anything but chips oj; and chips. if i keep this up id be dead in no time. i need to catch up with the pace.

mused dettie at 10:50 PM [+]
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ive been sick as a frickin' dog all day. god. im so hungry for food; but i cant eat. i get sick. gah. i hate this. sumfin' doesnt feel right.

mused dettie at 8:52 PM [+]
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i could just as easily say im ok. haha. but i felt so frickin sick for the most parts of the day. ack~ anyways... i like this song by freestyle, para sa'yo. definitely mushy. and this 8 bit was hillarious~

btw; charmy; yea nga eh... it was so confusing. geesh. i dowanna go to school tomorrow. u.u i dont feel so good. bah.

'...hihintayin, hihintayin na lang kita sa langit.'

mused dettie at 8:57 PM [+]
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stupid. i said id sleep at 10 pm na from that day. **cough** loads of broken empty promises. bah. i'll start tomorrow. na lang. for real. if you see me online... at; some time after 10 pm my time... which is... about 1 pm philippine time; make me go to sleep. please remind me if i forget... im pretty sure wasurenai... but then again...
8-bit! go see! funny funny!

mused dettie at 1:51 AM [+]
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ang kulit talaga. uuwi si mamangsa march. ang daya naman. inaaya ako ni tita lovie na sumabay. hmm... tempted~ pansin nyo tagalog? eh kasi mababasa nung mga tao na uuwi ako... mauulol lang mga yun. hahaha!

ang daya nga lang ni mommy kasi... sa august na daw. ang sama. sabi nya july. tapos ngayon august na? ang labo talaga. ok lng. i miss charmy. this day was uber... eventful. blah... my head is just... dead. haha. spent too much time over at praning again. anyways... if youre interested; its at www.praning.com its a message board forum thingamajig. its all good. its all funness~

mused dettie at 10:00 PM [+]
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Keburu komorebi abi futo ki zuku
Haru kaze no oku omoidasu
Yureru egao ato wazuka na toki
Chikaku ni itakatta sore demo
Aa onaji shiten de mite iru sekai ga
Aa futari bimyou ni zureteta
Tooku mitsume potsuri jaa ne
Ima wa onaji ohisama no shita me wo samasu
Kou iu yume nara mou ichido aitai
Haru ga kuru tabi anata ni aeru
Sou iu kimochi de chikuri to kokoro ga imatu

Toori wo miwataseba
Hana no iro kara omoidasu
Onaji yume wo yume miteta anata
Sasotte tsure dashita sore kara
Aa nagai jikan wo kaketemo sore demo
Aa seken ga aisou tsukasetemo
Jugyou yori mo shokuji yori mo
Motto taisetsu na koto watashi... uta ga suki...
Kou iu yume nara mou ichido aitai
Haru ga kuru tabi ookiku nareru
Sou iu kimochi wo wasurezu ni itara
Tsuyoku ikirareru you na ki ga shite

Yuki ga yande samusa mo kie
Kotoshi mo an kisetsu ga kuru aa haru ga kuru

Kou iu yume nara mou ichido aitai
Wakare no kisetsu mo suki ni nareru
Ippai hanashita omoide ga hirari
Itsu demo yomigaerasereru
Kou iu yume da shi mou ichido kaketai
Itsuka...

haru~ spring
[its so cool. mark sent 'em to me last night with a few other things.]

mused dettie at 2:20 AM [+]
...