...all i want is you.

-- Monday, September 30, 2002 --

fear factor's on. but i wont watch. i'd just do a quick blog entry, and sleep. i think im tired again. i dont want to get sick again. no. someone will think having watery eyes due to excessive sneezing is cute. gyah! lol the stupid fic i slapped together out of the blue sucks. lol. i just read it again today and it was awful~! well, it seemed funny at the time. whatever...

miranda's boyfriend jason, has a cuzin who is the lead vocals and guitarist of a local punk band from somewhere here. they sound really cool... yepp. theyre cool and theyre called push over. aheehee

our 3D model suxx. but oh well. i dont really care. art stuff? i dont want to talk about it. but one thing's for sure. a failing mark. oh well. getting damn sick didnt help me. i mean, i didnt miss school. but i didnt have the drive to work on my school stuff. errrgh.

letters to you by finch is cool. i love it much.

ate lek's got a new look. so prettyfull. charmy's dead. err, `tleast her blog is... and she's dissing me again. im getting my gym passes tomorrow... i did yoga today... i was yelling like a moron at english coz my teacher was giving extreme details for this semi dark ages time, and my damned imagination pictured every single thing and before i knew it, i was screamming and covering my ears with my hands while shaking my head violently. god that was fuunny. then i kinda woke up and saw everyone staring at me. they probably think im such a dork... what else? my head hurts. i'll sleep. SIGN MY BOOK!!!!!

mused dettie at 7:26 PM [+]
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ok. this is the official unleashed 10. hahahaa~ i like it. no long entry, but its ok. it doesnt matter. just wanted to inform that this new look is the real, and official 10th version. along with it is the NEWBOOK! please do sign it... thankyou much!

i think my tracker's broken.

mused dettie at 9:58 PM [+]
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i gotta work on my math thing now, and art. PLEASE do sign the new book. I'd appreciate it much. ^^ much love~

mused dettie at 4:50 PM [+]
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FRIDAY THE WHOLE STORY
my friday sucked. i missed my bus, so i was late. my TA almost signed me as absent. i had another english test, and right after that english period, i had a spare. i was on the school library, but this guy was bugging me.[refer to last post] so i decided to go to the public library and before i got in, i slipped and fell right infront of it. besides the fact that it'd be extremely embarassing if someone saw me, [but i think no one did] it hurt my ass bad too. so i just went through the door, and went outside, around to the east wing door, for fear something else 'bad' might happen to me while im in that library. my sister got my old calculator since im getting the graphing one. before math class started, i tried to open the calculator thingie with a pair of scissors i borrowed from ashley. i cut myself on my first try, and yelped "ouch." i stuggled a couple of times and eventually ashley helped me. i totally forgot were having the unit test that day. so yes. another test. i ran out of time for that shitty math test coz i was too paranoid i did a problem wrong and did the calculations 3 times before moving to the next problem. for gym class, i did nothing. the sign-up sheets were full, and the fuckin' gym was so cold! it was freezing there, and we had our gymstrips on. i decided i'd get home early that day. it's halfday friday, so i decided i could manage to be home earlier than ussual atleast. the bus didnt come on time. it was 20 minutes late. and it was frickin' crowded too! when i got off, i walked to the house. by the doorstep, i realized my keys, are gone. i lost my keys! so i was left out in the cold. since no one's home, i thought i could wait for mom to come. so, i did. after 45 minutes, i decided im too cold already, so, i decided i'd go ride on buses since im freezing my ass off, and im sick which doesnt help. i got back home, my mom just came. i was so tired. and my eyes were watery from too much sneezing, and too much wind.

great friday.

mused dettie at 7:34 PM [+]
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interested on knowing what funny thing i just did? comment on this... and i'll let u know.. use the smileys. aheehee... oh, btw, i finally... FINALLY got kevin;'s url, and remembered to link him... lol i just kept forgetting... he lives here. ook... interested on my funny thing? comment with the smileys... and i might post an entire entry about it...

mused dettie at 10:49 PM [+]
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this day was awful, much. i missed my bus. ok. then, i was kinda late nga.... we had another english test, then i had my spare... that's when i did that entry while blabbering away at some stranger who decided he'd talk to me.... if i see some strange person signing the book, or tagging the board, that's him i guess. i think he was secretlly reading that post.;.. while pretenmding to be in an animated convo with me. god im too paranoid. ok... well, i left earlier than i planned, since i thought he'd get lost but he didn't so i made up some story of meeting up with someone at the library... yes.. [i made it sound that i'd meet with my boyfriend... which is really a ridiculous lie.... but he caught on my hinting, and he said, "...i was gonna say i'd go with you but i dont plan on being a third wheel ya know.." tapos yun nilayasan ko na. well, i did go to the public library... sort of, but i went out the door, and went around and got in thru the east wing door. that was damn far, but atleast i got rid of him. it was cold tho. that was so messed... i feel so tired... then we had a math test. i trook forever coz i was too paranoid about the test and i went over the equatiosn a whole lot of times... amd gym, well, i was just there at the gym doing nothing. oh, i saw kara, from gr 8. im tired. ok... here's ate bea's link!!!!!! i think there's no more updates yata... but hoowellz...

mused dettie at 6:59 PM [+]
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ahahaha.... im so messed up~~~ ahahahha... i am... no... im ok. im FINE!!! i am... really. really... lookie new SGD comic over at MT. lol. guess piro-san gots tired-ed againz. hoowellz... there's a new 8-bit up too. why the hell am i telling you these? its not like its n obvious fact that 8-bit ges 3 comics a week, and MT, wellz, 2, but theyre trying for 3 too! the stupid spare class went to waste again. i dont want to work on my art project. im so lost. i lack interest in indulging in such activities right now. besides the fact that i dont find the current topics we do in class anything interesting.... everything just plain sucks.

its so interesting... the book i mean...katherine kurtz, St. Patrick's Gargoyles. yes its one of those sci-fi/fantasy books geeks read. but then again, im not a geek. im a special kind of dork. im a dork and down right proud to be one. finally were over the math dillemma of areas and perimeter... im dying in class. its so dead. i cant even say i hate math coz its too confusing anymore. i can only say i hate math coz its so dead! damn. that's so un dette-ish. i dont wanna be trapped in a dead class with edad topics. i wanna be zipping thru things and getting over it. i dont wanan bemoved into pure tho... i dont want to be in a dead class. see the dillemma? im spent.

and yet again... i didnt sleep. and to think i was sleeping. i was half asleep. i had my eeys closed... and im breathing in that steady slow rhythm when ur sleeping.... but im awake. im so tired. im sio wated. im in deep sludge for mot getting my art shit done. im bugged by that audition. i honestly dont want to do it. but i need the credits. otherwise, i wont get oout of here. and i plan on being college buddies with charmy ahehhe.... wow. 2 outsiders... together. how cool. oh we'll probably manage since we agree that certain people should suffer and die. and we both think that our moms should stay out of our paternal wars. i already planned on moving somewhere in the states. seattle maybe? why? just because iit rains 9 months of the year there.... and lord knows i love the rain.

it snowed. yes. its was nice out. the lawns had this thin blanket of fluffy white stuff.... and its cold. ok my mom made me wear a thick jacket, coz im sick... but its all good. my eyes are watery tho... and the sneezing ceased. but im still sniffing once in a while. hmmm i missed my bus, so i had to wait for the next one whixh never came, so i just took the 826, instead of the 12. i got to school a bit late, but not late enough to miss anything. i finally got my calculator btw. and i'll be playing away... lol... fun~~~!!!!!!! hmmm... i better get out of here and grab something to eat.... im starved. well, i had oreos.... but i only have 5. 5 isnt sufficient. "...8 is too few, 12 is too many..." NNOT. i got that from sleepless in seattle. hmmm... it rains 9 months a year there.... and my auntie lives somewhere near there... and my gramma too. i'll move there.... just 3 more years and im out of here.... maybe then.... id find myself....? maybe.

mused dettie at 10:52 AM [+]
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today... we had the english test. yes. it was supposedly easy, but i think i flunked big time. >.< damn! i shudduve studied. *sigh* im sick. its awful. i have this really nasty cold. and i keep sneezing. i missed my bus this morning coz the people working on the side walk pavement had their truck right infront of me, and it was too danged cold to stand about, so i was sitting there, hugging my knees close to me. my hands were stiff as wood. it was that cold ok, it was 4degrees. but i was sick. since yesterday. and that's just too much for me i guess.

i had to spend half of my tutorial period with my TA. no. its not that. im not in any sort of trouble. well, if im not why would she keep me? she wants to keep track of things. well, i told her about the art shit i didnt do. i could've done them... but i was preoccupied , with english presentation, and the auditions, and other things. and that stupid asshole. and the stupid girl in me called me. fuck. i feel so awful. damn. i cant stop sneezing... my eyes, are so watery. my nose, so red. gee. now i know what ate lek meant when she said she looked like rudolf. >.< besides that, i sound awfully retarded. awgh. well, i had some fries with robyn miranda and ash. laura was home, sick. yes. its fall. its amazing out. why tthe hell did my sister share her virus? that's awfully mean of her. that jack ass from the subway deserves to die!!!!!!!! hmmm... i was getting some chips from this vending machine, and it got stuck. yes. another awful twist of fate. then, i tripped and fell, on my way to math class. well, so far no stink bombs, so i guess this day's better

baby give me back my fantacy says:
kumusta naman kau ng mamanugangin ko
`dette says:
wala na
`dette says:
tagal tagal na
baby give me back my fantacy says:
oowwwsss
baby give me back my fantacy says:
baka naman niloloko ka lang nyan ha
`dette says:
niloko nga lng ako
`dette says:
pero ok na ko
`dette says:
nakalampas na ko sa depression mode

...I AM SUCH LIAR!!!

mused dettie at 8:02 PM [+]
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did you plan all this?
doubts cant just as easily be dismissed
fighting back tears with clenched fists...
you say that was a joke, a mere tease
and you tell me to you i dont exist...
[fuck you]
--snippet 1

"...and he didn't notice me again.
maybe he's busy...?
maybe he's talking to someone else, not me.
...he's eating? ...sleeping? ...taking a bath?
and again i can't tell if i'm convincing myself,
or if i'm making someone else agree.
but then when all else fails... it all comes down to me.
i'd think that to him i'm no one.
to him i don't exist"
--snippet 2

mused dettie at 6:09 PM [+]
...

btw, i ressurected earl's link, and added ate BM, aka jen. ^^ i also added, praning. fun shtuffz.

mused dettie at 5:34 PM [+]
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yesterday.
morning, i missed my bus so i had to wait for 30 mins. for the next one. i was so sick, and tired and i didnt get much sleep coz my sister wouldnt let me sleep, since she cant sleep. and i woke up before the clock went off. that was so messed up. >.< as if things werent bad enough, i'm not done my presentation for english yet, and my fucked up math project which im ganged up with miranda and ashley, is sitting like a cold duck. in other words, no action's been on it since we've been assigned the work. all my art projects are due too, and i'm not done any of it yet. im not the paper work either, and i found out that i have to audition for extra credits. suck that audition... adds more to my worry. and i still have to present. damn!!!! and things got worse when the d00d i hate who works at subway had to serve me my lunch, and i hated it. he's such an ass. he pisses me off. damn yoo d00d. yoo deserve to die. he's such a jerk! he think's he''s all that... well poo on yoo wussy!!! i hate yoo to hell!
matty was on too, and he thought, for some weird reason, i blocked him. geez. well... just for the note, i didnt. i was tired, and sick, and pissed off enough already, and him telling me that i did something didnt doesnt help. ohwell.

today...
i spent my spare period with robyn, at the library and i found out my library card's cancelled already. yupp. i lost it and didnt use it for over a year now, and they cancelled the frickin' acct. ohwellz. i lost my ID card too. i cant use any school computer, nor check-out books. damn that!!!!! auditions are still bugging me big time. shit. i wish i couldnt care about it. its getting me zoned off. ok so i AM always zoned off... but then again... its making me more disorriented. its no help at all.
i did my presentation in english, and i had no voice. my throat was so sore. fuck. but i presented anyways, and i sucked. but atleast that was over with. i wish he'd give me a good mark. miranda and me got personal time during math. yupp. we went to the math resource room coz that's where we have to be, and we were all giggling. god. thatw as scary. we were doodling with our left and right hands... and it was hilarius how i find it so hard to write with my left hand. it was weirdness to the extremes. but it was funny. then i played pacman, and the fall down thing on her calculator. i seriously should get one already. its so fun. ^^ plus i need it. its so embarrassing. mrs. smith saw a drawing i was was working on during english class. ahahaha... i was all blushing... damn miranda made it worse. flailing it at everyone. ok they didnt say anything mean... still. i dont like having anything sociable that has to do with other people. argh~ and we'll have our english test tomorrow. oh well. it cant be that hard. **shrug**

mused dettie at 5:12 PM [+]
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Take the Quiz or Read the Stories

mused dettie at 8:13 AM [+]
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dark and kinda mystified. no long entry, coz that test image is to fuckin' gigantic. >.>

mused dettie at 9:18 PM [+]
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What Planet Are You From?
this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim

mused dettie at 8:00 PM [+]
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u know what's so fucked up? i think cussing too much is a form of immaturity and extreme stupifity. no wonder i cuss too much. fuck!!! to think i even try not to cuss as much. >.< SHIT!!!!

something fun came up today. some really nice d00d's dropped by charmy's site... hell that was extremely satirical!!! i basically laughed my ass off... so hilarius! ok, first off, a total stranger tag's her blog, and the d00d's blog's mentioned her [site] even. holy shit that was funny. hahahahaha~ i haven't been playing the guitar in ages. and my fingers are stiff from extreme numbers of written shit. fuck math. how the hell am i gonna make this stupid pen last till the end of this sem? i dont have a fuckin' grapphing calculator yet, and i just pen my calculations down. last quiz was whacked. i had to finish the test at the same time as everyone else, and they're all using calsulators. i was using a good ol' pencil, and i barely finished before the bell. ok i did finish, but i did one problem wrong. it was easy though. just a stupid mistake. and in case you people are wondering, my math class sucks coz were going through units extremely slow and it pisses me off! god. my brain is melting due to abnormal amounts of senseless questions asked by abnormal classmates. my abnormal brain cant handle it!!!

WARNING:: READ AT OWN RISK!
hmmm... what else is fun? i drew this doodle of a some d00d hangin.' yoo know? those things they use to kill the witches back in the dark ages? yupp that. and the poor scrawny stick figure was bleeding to death... well, so im thinkin' that is...and it made me feel better. i magined it shudder violently while he sucked in his last breath then died. of course i chucked it in the garbage. un fortunately i wrote down a bunch of names, and then stabbed the paper with my pencil... yes poor pencil. it broke a lot. >,< they should all die. charmy's ryt they should all die. did i tell you im an outsider? i tag along a bunch of people, but they dont like me definitely. im an introverted mofo with no frickin; life. fuck, like i care? u wish! i dont give a shit. not anymore. and that jerk who ignored me yesterday should die!!!! ok, so maybe he shouldnt die coz he's the last hope for his family. damn you! i hate you anyway!!!! i hate you!!!!!!!

yes. my computer crashed. but what's so great was my logs, and everything else werent gone!!! i still have all of them!!!! MY LOGS!!! aaaaah! >,< i saw bee's old logs. i hate you!!!!! and i did 3 more poems. besides that one i wrote the other nite. im so pathetic. im dead tired and what? i stay up for nothing. i cant sleep. my eyes are melting. im slowly dying... fuck you! what do you care?! i hate you!!!! i'll use the school pc and reg an email account, and send flame emails~ i hate... you. >,< i want to kick serious ass. fuck these issues. insanity runs in my blood. and im next. i'll be insane tomorrow. more mthan i already am. and i can proudly say that i am insane. then, i can kill people i hate and get a lighter sentence coz im a mental case. then i'd kill myself too. i swear if i dont die of anything else predictable, i'd die of suicide. if i get hit by a truck and all my blood guts and gore come flying out, dont say "i thought she'd die of suicide?" damn you fucker. if you say that i'll hunt you down and haunt you till you die yourself and then i'd kill your soul. if not, i'd be ghost that can handle things. then i'd stab you to death with a fuckin' spoon till you're mutilated to hell's impressions, and slowly die painfully. then i'd smother ghost piss all over you. if ghosts can piss. fuck you!

im so tired. i need to get to sleep. my gym teacher said my heart rate's too high. and, im too tired. and im not getting enough sleep. and i dont feel hunger anymore. i do it for obligation. my mom thinks i have to eat her cooking, and i everyone else thinks that i should eat too. so i end up eating anyway. maybe if i didnt eat at all i'd die... maybe... ah shit that. im too depressed for no real reason. im too depressed for my own, or anyone else's good. im too cynical, and im such a pessimist. fuck that. i'm having another urge to cry again. and you know what's so odd about it? i, have no reason to. but nhow im sniffing loike crazy, and blinking madly. i have to fight this back till i get to my closet. ... shit. this is so annoying.

mused dettie at 9:06 PM [+]
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i'll say what i gotta say... later, i guess.

mused dettie at 7:18 PM [+]
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I guess now it all comes down to this...
Everything else is gone.
The fact that the place you once owned is now hollow...
Changes that cannot be undone...

I've waited for hours, hours that turned to days, and days that turned to weeks...
Weeks that grew to months... months that seemed like years...
The pain lives on; like the cold wind against my cheeks
Like the damp warmth left behind by the flowing of my tears.

I know there isn't any point in crying over you...
I know tears won't change anything now,
Though I cried before, and now, I still do.
Maybe i still wish that you'd care enough... Someday, somehow...

Does it matter how much I tell my self not to think of you?
I think it doesn't for my thoughts still fly back to you.
The memory of a past still haunts me, but I guess I've no choice.
"...I still wake in the midst of the night, I still hear you voice."

mused dettie at 9:13 PM [+]
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ok its all good now... im ok.

mused dettie at 9:13 PM [+]
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what the hell is up with him? YOU! are you mad at me again for some reason? geez. i didnt even do anything... whatever!

hehheh... yeeeey!!! charisse will make me a layout. hehehehe... im too lazy, and i cant squeeze it in. stupid school shit. fuck school. no wonder i hate it. school sux0rz. it reeks. i have to finish this presentation TODAY! and what? u guessed it. im BARELY done. why? my mind keeps flying off someplace. dammit. i need to stuff myself with ice cream. im droning away. oi charmy, are u ditching me again? fuck you. what the hell is wrong with you? **laugh** charmy hates me. **evil glare** lol jk charmy. heeheehee... i better get working on this HW. its easy, but i cant gather up my guts to work on it. fuck. sorry for the profanities. im ok. just rather pissed.

What's YOUR Inner Hair Color?

mused dettie at 2:33 PM [+]
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i saw him today. he was online. and then? nothing. i pretended he wasnt on at all. he didnt try talk to me. its either he was away, or he didnt want to talk to me. either way, it didnt really matter. charmy said i should've tried to ask for his reaction... but i didnt want to. i guess he'd try to talk to me if he cared enough right? i guess my presumptions were right all along. i hate him!!!!! im not supposed to get bugged by this. fuck that. damn profanities!!!!

something nice happend. i got 8eprops today. i ussually get 8, from cuzins, but i got 2 from a cuzin, patrick, and the six, from other people. if kevin logs on, he might give me 2 again... or if toni and justin, or my sister. ^^ i'm thinking of changing my layout.the other blog's layout that is. coz im currently using a shared template. maybe i will change it, and have frames! yay! im obssessing over sites that have frames. argh. i cant spend time learning it now tho. i guess i have to wait yet again. i wish i get so sick, that i'd need to stay in the hospital for atleast 2 weeks. im such a drok! **yes charmy, im a dork, and you're a geek. no wonder were freinds!!!** well, i kinda knew u were dissing me! but i figured u had ur reasons, and u might have had thingies on ur head. [charmy's mental too like me] so its ok! i missed yoo tho. u.u **sniffles** i wish someone wastes their time and make me a frame layout^^ i'd love that person forever.

ate lek was sick kahapon. but i think she's ok na. its smiley's 20th anniversary today! **i jacked the info from ate lek's site aheehee** i think i owe this bllog another long entry. oh. my other blog's premium thing is over. lol. damn that. i wont buy it tho. fudgey~~~

i have to finish my english homework. i feel so doped up. i keep losing it. my mind keeps drifting off~ argh~

charisse got her bass!!!! i envy her!!!!!!! damn yoo charisse!!!!! i want one too... **sob sob**

mused dettie at 9:14 PM [+]
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ho. im posting less and less here. that's sad.

can someone help me learn how to upload music files? for background? i want one so bads, but i dunno hows. oh well. im getting over the downtime i think. wish me goodie luck? pinky promise i'll be ok evvyone. i love each of you!

yupp... as always, halfday friday too!  we got the rest of the day off...  while waiting for the bus...

mai::  im catchin' the 11 with you.
dai::  why?  where're you goin'?
mai::  i have to meet up with jason...
dai::  eh why?
mai::  uh...  concert? 
dai::  what?!  what concert?
mai::  uh...  "the" Con-cert~~~?
dai::  what?!?!?!
mai::  the...
dai::  oh...  i remember...  damn you!!!!!!  [mumbles... sum41 concert]
mai::  ohkaaay~
dai::  damn its cold....**shiver shiver**  [yells] 'frickin' bus come already!  im so cold!'  **people stares at me, then looks at her**
mai::  stop acting so immature  **blush**
dai::  but i am immature though.  i'm not acting...
mai::  true, true.
dai::  **throws her back pack**  damn that concert!!!!!!! [people stares at me]  ...aww fuck...**blush**

notice the nicknames?  its weird... i know...  but i like them... hohoho~  hey... i've always, and forever will be, a weirdo.  **shrug shrug**

oh, btw, awww... yoor my bestfriend ever too kev. and i only said that when i gots frustrated about the stoopid presentation thing. i didnt really mean it. sides, i say that a lot. its funny tho, that yoo still didnt forget about it. lol

mused dettie at 10:07 PM [+]
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i like the song eyes on me. yoo knows? the song from FF8... julia's song. julia? rinoa's mommy? the girl whom laguna fell inlove with? ok... im obssessing over them again... and i thought the episode has passed. hahaha... "...eyes on me." **swoon**

mused dettie at 7:11 PM [+]
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i opened my eyes to yet another day...
another day of horror. what else can i say?
the hours dragged on... as my thoughts slowly slipped away...
and now... i feel wasted... it's been a very long day.

i had to deal with numbers... and i managed! pulled through!
i smiled to myself proud... then my thoughts fly back to you.
of all the things to fill my mind... please! why not something new?
so i turned on my pc... atleast it's something else to do.

maybe, tomorrow morning i'd wake up...
be somewhere, some place that isn't in the map.
i'd feel like falling apart...weak and about to drop...
then somehow.. as of a miracle... all of this would just stop.

but yet today was dead. i guess that's what living's all about.
im surrounded with people... yet i feel so hollowed out.
an urge to cry aroused by agony... the will to scream and shout!
but no tears would come anymore... i guess there's been a drought.

still i had to sit in class... and let the day pass me by...
i felt over crowded... but i feel so alone... why?
i guess i just lost my will to work.. lost my will to try...
and now i came to believe... my eyes has just gone dry.

mused dettie at 9:13 PM [+]
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one last glance, before i say goodbye.
how did i get to hide this long? when can i start asking why?
how did i believe we were both as strong... how did i hope we could try?
why didn't i see i'd be the one who'd cry?

one last hopeful gaze... before we take our ways...
i said i'd move on... but not one step left any trace.
searching for the eyes i once knew...
searching for someone... searching for you.

things came too fast... i couldn't catch up, i fell behind
maybe they're right... maybe i stumbled, maybe gone blind
was it my fault that i held on...when i said i've let you go...?
was it my fault believing... when you seemed so good so kind?

sleepless nights they haunt me.
tears they threaten to fall
lies are all aound me. but why didn't i dare see?
it's all too late to show me. nothing left to be.
all i have is a hope for a miracle. a miracle for someone to find me.
--untitled

mused dettie at 11:14 AM [+]
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i was browsing around the deadletters' site...and found this. i dunno why... but it's here now. hehehehehe. i said i'd do my homework now but i didn't hahaha. too bad dettemeister. ur in deep sludge. i'll change the link to ate lek and add deadletter to the linkies.

mused dettie at 10:44 AM [+]
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school was a drag. i didn't have not one spare period... and i had to stay in till 5pm for art. didn't i say it'll get my mind off things? maybe i need to sleep now. maybe i need to crash now. maybe i need to forget. maybe... im ok. maybe nothing's wrong. damn issues. i wish i could be... somewhere else not here. i wish it rains. the rain always makes me feel better. i am better already. i am.

i need to work on azeya again. maybe i can get her eyes to look sad like it used to again. i had a hard time drawing that guy too... and for what? its all for nothing now. the sketch is gone. i lost it. damn depression. i do not deserve this. why am i like this? im not supposed to be like this. shit. the other blog's all filled with the word 'fuck.' i think im too angry at thimngs. i don't want to be that angry at all... but i am. i dont want to feel this hurt... but well.. what do you know?! I AM!!! btw; i plug praning.com. it's fun. **forcy smile** damni didnt need to put that word there but its there anyway... shtuff. i better sleep otherwise i'd end up putting up with my own self and that never did work for me.

mused dettie at 9:26 PM [+]
...

everything seems to overwhelm my little mind. why? i don't know. dont mind my banters. it's just that i find it extremely intriguing. how i get so perky then come crashing down in a matter of seconds. the inquisitions of life isnt helping me... the family i so kindly have been given... isnt helping either. i love my mom. my sister... i lover her too. and my yet unborn sibling... i hate my father.

all the things i've learnt to keep to myself are still here. if they're here, why do i feel so alone... and revealed... and wasted? i love my friends. they understand and theyre great people. i hate having to go throigh things everyday. i wish everyday could be spent reading a book and being cozy... or typing long elaborate emails to people you care about. and eating ice cream to your hearts content, then sleep happily at night... dreaming a happy dream... no more nightmares... and hurtful people. just good friends who can say what they really think, and be plain honest. no more fgap's who are such bitches. no more agony and misery and pain and suffering and mind games and cruel words that hurt. definitely i live in a world of fantasy. i feel miserable. i'll be fine tomorrow. i guess, this... is just one of those ugly moments when ... when you turn... and everything seems to go to shambles and u just lose it. **sigh** i'll be fine tomorrow. school... will drag me through. i might be weak as a kitten... but my heart is as fierce as any tigress. i can take care of myself now. i have to take care of myself now. i have to let everything go... as i said i would... as i said i've done. it's so much easier to say things. specially when you need to say them, but you dont really have to mean them. i guess when you have to lie to get things over with to move on... its not held against you right? i dunno... but somehow... charmy sensed i miss him. i guess its obvious to everyone else... i'm just trying to deny it myself. when will i learn not to run away from things i dread so much? it's incredibly frustrating. after all these months... i think it over...and i feel so stupid. it's a good thing i didnt love him as i wanted to. i guess ate lek's and ate anne's words got to me. and ate chiaki's eternal advices and patty's chiding fibbs. i envy raine and ate lek. but i feel bad coz they're so far apart. well... the fact that they love each other truly is a great blessing. why can certain people say those small words with big meanings so simply? i can never bear say it without meaning it truthfully with all my heart. 'i love you's' are extremely special. i hate you for making a fool out of me. i wish someone finds me. i wish... ah... eternal fantasies. maybe matt is right. you never get to have what you want. lest you live in a fantasy. living in a fantasy... that was what i said. but he said... he wants to live a fantasy life. not live in a fantasy world. i guess now i see what he meant. i guess i do want to leave everything else behind and live a fantasy life.

it's such a pain being so gullible. i said i didn't love him with all that... but... i still feel hurt. i broke my own self. i wrecked my own walls. missing someone terribly can lead to a hundred things. and in the end of it all... you're still the losing party. you realize he isnt really who you thought you saw him to be. words cant always be true...and as nice as he was to me... it may all be lies. i guess i needed someone to care for me. maybe when he said those words everything else toppled over. how can he say things like that? i hate people who mess with people's minds. i already have enough issues just as is... and for what? to have more? you are so cruel. i hate you with all my heart. but... i miss your calls. the way you called me names...and made me laugh when i'm all too angry to care. yet... after everything... i was left to find out that everything was just a game. a stupid game which i thought was real. but in reality were all lies. i hate myself. maybe more so than i hate you. i dont think i'd ever love again. i don't think i'd ever love any one like you. i wont buy in to nice things. i'd rather be left alone all the rest of my life & i won't care anymore. my friends are all i need. my dog. not one man in my life. not just one man. no more romance. i'll get all the romance i need in books. no more lies. i get enough of those without you. no more games. from now on end i've grown to realize how things really are out there.. i kept denying the fact that i was hurt. but i really am. now that i've learnt to accept it... it will be all hard for me...and everything else around me will be entirely harder. but i'll manage. i need to learn to accept things at the start. no more lying to myself. no more pretending everything's alright.

woke up today thinking of you...
another night, and i made my way through.
so many dreams still left in my mind
but they can never come true...
i press rewind and remember when.
i close my eyes and i''m with you again.
but in the end i could still feel the pain...
every time i hear your name

the sun won't shine since you went away...
seems like the rain's falling every day
there's just one heart where there was once two.
that's the way it's gonna be, till i get over you


walk through the park in the evening air.
i heard a voice and i thought you were there...
i run away but i just cant escape...
mem'ries of you everywhere
they say that time will dry the tears
but true love burns for a thousand years...
give my tomorrows for one yesterday...

i end at that.

mused dettie at 9:15 PM [+]
...

hmmm.... my head hurts. i'm reading an incredibly mushy book which just proves how incredibly mushy i am. i never talked to charmy in ages~ i miss her. is she mad at me? are yoo mad at me for some reason? u.u oh well... i've nothing to say.... i guess.... i'll just get back to my reading..... **yes i got rid of the plugs. they all hav me on their places... i mean the other blog hohoho~**

mused dettie at 7:28 PM [+]
...

yepp~ its a friday. a half day. i'll be visiting the old school were i came from with kahli. ohwell. i guess its better than staying home doing nothing? i will be home early. i promised my mom. ok. im such a good girl! i'll just hang round a bit over at kahli's and then head home. im incredibly hungry. i survived english. i hope mrs smith... the new math teach is nice. maybe as nice as mrs coleman. somehow even if she is a math teacher.. i like her. ^^ baibai mrs coleman!

what's cool and what's not. i couldnt find the power bar! they prolly stuck it under the triangle thing at thje other end of the table. but i dont want to go under the table and see. eek~ i wanna hear ate llek's song!!! u know.. the one she dedicates for me~~~~~ k bell. lab yoo evvyone!

mused dettie at 10:56 AM [+]
...

hmmm. yes. its dreadful. my pc at home crashed. -.- i dunno what happened, but... heck! =Þ today... well its tough luck on me. i dont have any spare. ok this class is supposedly for "tutorials" but lookie~ im doing this instead. oh well. i wanna buy that stoopid manga book thing at chapters just because. i never drew anything all summer and im rusty. well, besides azeya that is... and that one drawing i did with a guy and its name... his name, is albantini von prios... and guess who named him? hahaha yah. matt >.> hehheh... ok so i was doodling this morning... and it looked utterly demented i felt so bad. so maybe i'd end up buying that book tomorrow and blow my next week allowance on it. i cant draw. oh the humanity~~~~~ i need it to vent!!!!!! ok im scaring everyone. hahah~

i have to somehow finish the story at home later. ack. i cant eat lunch. >.> i hav a fine arts club meeting. eek~ ok im not doing this just because im good at it or whatever. im not. im doing this coz i need the credits. and yes. i might acctually get credits for this! mrs schile's nice. she's almost like those stereotyped art teachers who have bushy hair and a weird way of talking and this weird way on how they love art and is definitely willing to teach young artists too. she's not all that. she loves art. yes. but she doesnt have a big bushy hair...and she doesnt talk funny and weirded. she's kinda fun. hahaha~ i am suck a dork.

cheerleading was hilarious! well so i heard. they said the teacher made them do gay moves and all that crap. its a pity i didnt get to observe.... ok fine. i feel bad that i wasnt there to laugh my ehad off. satisfied?

i'll so bring my speakers tomorrow. lol just so i'd hear the music in ate lek's site~ did i mention my computer's crashed? yes. its broken. its almost as good as a heap of crap. only it looks cool still. mind you, i own it. jk. jk. ok if u didnt get it, n/m. lolhmmm... i hav check in with my TA in a few... so maybe layterdayz~! i hav a spare tomorrow... so ^^v peace!

mused dettie at 12:15 PM [+]
...

09-11-01.

yes. the date. i reach out to all affected by the tragedy. i think i said all i wanted to say on kev's and chris's blogs. maybe i'll copy and paste them here... or on the blog itself. i feel too tired to post a whole new blog. given my pc's messsed up.

mused dettie at 11:00 AM [+]
...

hmmm.... yesterday? ok. ok.

english...well...whilevvyone else works intently on the so-so presentation...homework check came...then went. i guess the teacher's pretty much pissed off at me. for good reason too. friday, i didnt get my hw done. monday... not either... yesterday... u get the point. well... i did it today. and he's all weirded. tough luck~ hahhah.. well... why cant everyone just really get on with the presentation planning? its so gay. then whe you look at them they pretend theyre looking at soemthing else... or pretend theyre talking to someone. unfortunately the other person wasnt so adept and well... he went, "uh what? what the hell are u talking about?" maybe he finds a phreeky kid doing nothing and doodling away wasting all the ink in her pen is entirely interesting. you cant really say you know how a person thinks... when you really dont? no sense...but whatever.

something is so wrong with my pc. i dont know.. but its broken... or sumthin'. windows wont start up. ok i'll get working on it later. when i get home i guess.... when i finish my hw? or not. whatever. im still all sore all over... and im all achey. just gotta detest gym. need i say more?

spares are great. lookie me~~~ im here wasting away haha~ ok i'll be off reading later but heck. no matter. i can go eat at the diner across teh street if i wanted to. hmmm... i feel tired.

mused dettie at 10:28 AM [+]
...

day.... well this day went over slow.the fact that i had school till 5 pm. **sigh** i hung out with kahli afterwards, we went to the petstore and asked for vacancies after we saw the animals. they are so cute. anyway, i fell inlove with the puppy and i called it pompom. why? just because he looks like a pompom and well... its cheerleading tryouts in school and announcements keep everyone reminded for some reason. ok he isnt such a pompom, but his tail looks like a pompom. in anycase...he's the cutest. m i loce yoo browen! but i think u need a little bro.

after ages of no communication, i called my good friend kevin. we talked about the yugi-oh game which i so dont understand. he's friends enough to try and enlighten my dark mind... but to no avail. LOL

ate lek's site is sooooo cool~ and raine found my blog. lol. hey hey raine!

i think matt got mad at me. i really am sorry for not IMing him. he said he was waiting and i didnt even bother IM him. im sorry...? **sigh** and he thought i didnt want to talk to him coz toni called. i couldnt type fast enough i guess.... and... im sorry. doesnt it give u a good reality check on how much people really know you? its like... they dont notice anything...then all of a sudden... they let you knowe they know you better than you ever give them credit for...

did i close it yet??? oh i havent. hahah~ her's the bit.

dettezkie: ...
Aestevalist: ...
Aestevalist: better not say it then
Aestevalist: hay
dettezkie: sabihin mo na kaya
dettezkie: kung ano man yan...
Aestevalist: uh flip...u only talk in flip if u annoyed .. curios.. or feellin akward about something
dettezkie: lol
dettezkie: u surprise me when u tell me how im like and ur right lol
Aestevalist: oh..
Aestevalist: ...so what do u feel
Aestevalist: ?
dettezkie: im curious
Aestevalist: ..oh

mused dettie at 10:18 PM [+]
...

day.... well this day went over slow.the fact that i had school till 5 pm. **sigh** i hung out with kahli afterwards, we went to the petstore and asked for vacancies after we saw the animals. they are so cute. anyway, i fell inlove with the puppy and i called it pompom. why? just because he looks like a pompom and well... its cheerleading tryouts in school and announcements keep everyone reminded for some reason. ok he isnt such a pompom, but his tail looks like a pompom. in anycase...he's the cutest. m i loce yoo browen! but i think u need a little bro.

after ages of no communication, i called my good friend kevin. we talked about the yugi-oh game which i so dont understand. he's friends enough to try and enlighten my dark mind... but to no avail. LOL

ate lek's site is sooooo cool~ and raine found my blog. lol. hey hey raine!

i think matt got mad at me. i really am sorry for not IMing him. he said he was waiting and i didnt even bother IM him. im sorry...? **sigh** and he thought i didnt want to talk to him coz toni called. i couldnt type fast enough i guess.... and... im sorry. ever had someone say '...you only talk like that when youre curious,

mused dettie at 10:18 PM [+]
...

Name: bernadette
Nicknames: badette, dettie, dette, dot,
Birthday: 1.28.86
Siblings: - shady_girl
Current Residence: calgary
Born where: manila, philippines
Bands: blah. 'ny band that rocks would do.
Movies: thrillers, mushy movies... woo~ horror, suspence, whatever.
Day(s) of the Week: Friday and Saturday...
Drink: coke, sprite, iced tea, root beer~ shirley temple~!
Food: jap. hehhehheh sushi [laughs**] italian and mexican ^^
Eyeglasses: yupp.
Numbers: 7,
Salad Dressing: 1000 island
Pillows you use: 2
Ice Cream: cookis n' cream! cookie dough! woo~
Colors: blue, black, green
Goals/Ambitions in life: get away from all this shit i currently am in.
Adidas/Nike: NiKe
Piercing/Tattoos: piercings... for earings? o.o tatoos... nada.
Favorite Perfume/Cologne: heehee~ t-girl~
Quote/Saying: '...minsan lang umibig ang pusong tanga, naudlot pa ng putang ina.' a stupid heart falls inlove but once, that sonofabitch delayed/sabotaged it.
Shampoo: whatever... i dont really care which brand. o.o
Slow/Fast Dance Songs: err....whatever. i dont dance.
Coke/Pepsi: coke. haha~
Day/Night: day... sucks. school...and summer, well i sleep thru most of it. night.. i dont have to go to school...and i ussually find it hard to sleep.
Diamonds/Pearls: Diamonds
Disney/Warner WB~ woo~
Candy/Poem: both. err... candy~ poems..i end up scrutinizing them... so ya.. candy.
Pens/Pencils: pencils. coz im a dork.
Gold/Silver: Silver
Kissing/Hugging: hugs are special.
Land/Sea: sea~ too bad i live on land... i love the sea tho
Love/Lust: love
McDonald's/Burger King: BK ... -.-
Smiling/Laughing: will giggling do? err i smile to myself. that counts... laugh... i laugh with my cousins. i love my cuzins.
Hobbies: reading... [whatever toni] writing... a bit of out of tuned singing... surfing... blogging... reading blogs... chatting.
Sports: im no sports person. nuff said.

LOOKING IN YOUR ROOM:
Have (a)...
TV: no~
VCR: no~
DVD: no~
Stereo: yea, i guess i can call that dumb thing that.
Ref: no~
Phone: no~
Computer: no~
Rug/wood/cement: rug?
Safe: no~
Family Picture: sister and me.. my mom.. only, its in my box thing. dad? hell NO! not the whole family. just my family.
Food: hash browns. whatever.
Stuffed animals: hell ya!!!
Photo Album: no
Posters: nada.
Drawings: used to... no more. hahhah~

Ever...
Threw up: ...shit that.
Got into a fight: sure... got the better of them too! back home that is... here? nah. im such a dork.
Wonder when your going to clean your room: dont i always?
Kissed: ...whatever.
Had more than 4 people in your room: hahaha~ ya... my old room back home that is. [reminisce** ate bhel, ate bless, marvin, cyrill, dave, dani, ate jo, and kuya obe, and me]

NUMBER OF...(In room or possession)
Pillows: 2
Doors: 1
DVDs: ?
Tapes: a bunch
Games: 4?
Computers: 1?
Pictures hangin up in room: 0

EMOTIONS:
I Always: zone off.
I feel like: a dork.
I Hate: my father. hearing people talking shit about other people... i hate seeing people suffer emotionally. i mean its bad enough that i am suffering they dont have to.
I Love/like: punk/rock/alternative music, mushy crap, words... books, cuzins. from now on. i have no friends. xept charmy, ate lek, patty, charisse, aimee, and my other online friends. and matt.
I see myself as: an extremely insecure insecure dork who needs to get out of here.
I Want: to get out of here.
I Will Never Regret: getting out of here.
I Will Always Remember: 12.29.00 - 09.08.02 and counting. friendships~
I will Never Forget: cuzins, my family one excluded.my dog, dianne, and our new dog browen

FRIENDSHIP & LOVE & ALL THAT JAZZ
Do believe in love at first sight? ya... im the mushiest person.
What do you notice first in the opposite sex: looks.
Do you have a crush on an schoolmate/coworker? crush on a schoolmate? screw having a crush on people! god i dont.
Do you have a boy/girlfriend: ? no.
Do you want children & if so how many? 1 or 2? 3 max.
Favorite thing about the opposite sex: they're not as maarte as girls. and they know how to deal with my issues.
Least Favorite thing about the opposite sex: just the fact that theyre not a girl like me... lol
Most important thing to you in a friendship is: trust, kindness, supportive and open. frank... sometimes blunt... knows when to have moments and when you cant deal...and they'll be there.
Most likely Candidate for marriage: ...me? **laugh** i wish. then id get out of here.
Have you ever cheated on anyone: teachers? hahha!!! hell ya!
Has someone ever cheated with you: lol... hahaha sure i have accomplices. ok nothing relation shit.
Are you shy about asking people out: whatever. i dont ask so i dont get shy.
Have you ever cried over someone: no. i dont want to.
Turn Ons: long elaborate emails. lol funny and can be mushy...nice, but not too nice.
Turn Offs: mofo people... jerks. wtf. all those shitz.

PEOPLE WHO . . . (all this is school stuff)
People know the most about you: the most among the rest of that school? kahli, jodi, ash, miranda, mike, andrew
People who make you laugh the most: miranda, ash
People who you hate: majority of ther school
Weirdest person you know: me. im a schzoid with no frickin' life.
Craziest person you know: me. not that way tho. not the fun way. crazy as in insane.
Funniest person you know: ash jodi and miranda.

WHAT IS . . .
The best song you ever heard: iris. aheeheehee.
Most embarrassing CD in your collection: i dont bother
The thing you regret the most: why the hell should i answer?
Best advice ever given to you: '...sure be that way. it's not like i dont know you like him anyway' that's a frickin' indirect message, but she got me there.
Your Biggest Fear: strange strangers

DO YOU BELIEVE IN . . .
God? yup
Aliens? yeah... hehheh
Horoscopes? sometimes
Heaven? yea
Hell? yea
Predictions made in ancient times: yea
Long relationships: yea
Ghosts: yea
Life after Death: yea
Santa: no.
Tooth Fairy: no.

HAVE YOU EVER
Ran away from home? wanted to
Lied? ya
Cheated? ya
Stolen? ya... hahahahaha
Have the guts to say something to another: yea
Swore: ya
Broke a bone in your body: ya
Feel like your missing something at any given time: ya

WHAT WOULD YOU DO...
If you had to kiss someone in the class who would it be: tch. what are you ?
If you had to choose between Sony and Panasonic: Sony
If you had to buy either Compaq or Dell: Dell
If you had to get a boyfriend/girlfriend: fall inlove first? o.o
If you had to choose true or dare: truth
If you had to choose Ice cream or Italian ice: Ice cream
PS2, Xbox, or Gamecube: Ps2
If you had to buy a laptop or desktop: laptop

WHERE/WHAT...
Do you want to go for a date: whereever special? o.o
Would you like to get married: somewhere nice and pelasant and not here.
Would you like to live when your 25: not here. soemwhere in america...
Would you like to go this summer: to my gramma.
Would you like to see in the movies right now: swim fan?
Arcade would you go the most this summer: euklaire? o.o

WHEN...
Was the last time you took a shower: this morning
Was the last time you brushed your teeth: kanina
Was the last time you when to the movie theaters: hmmm... with my cuzins to see the austin powers movie
Was the last time you threw up: ages ago
Was the last time you had a nightmare: last night
Was the last time you watched a Rated R movie at home or in the Movies: last week? blah
Was the last time you went to an amusement park: ...
Was the last time you hurt yourself: an hour ago. i tripped.
Was the last time you watched TV: now?
Was the last time you said you were sorry: 3 weeks ago
Was the first time you watched Pokémon: 2 or 3 years ago
Was the first time you ever kissed: why should u know?
Was the last time you kissed: ...?
Was the first time you roller/ice skate: ages ago
Was the worst time to be in another place when something has happened: i wont tell. that was an illegal moment.
Do you go to sleep: dawn.
Do you wake up: when i have to

OTHER CRAP

Do you gossip? no Do you speak any other languages? english... whatever! i originally speak filipino anyway.
Ever kissed: yea
French kiss: n/c
Would you rather laugh or cry? laff
Have you ever been attacked by a big dog: no
How would you like to die: slow. so as i'd be able to relish every second of it.
Favorite outfit: whatever
Semi-formal= black pants and a blouse?
Formal= long skirt and a blouse? or black pants...and a blouse?
School= jeans and shirt
Going out with someone- something you? whatever.
Have you ever worn thong underwear? umm no
Boxers or briefs: err... boxers?
Would you rather be short or tall? taller. but not all too tall
Do you find yourself attractive? no
Longest Relationship if ever went out: err 4 months? whatever
What would you do if you had a week to live: wait out my death?
What do you think is the meaning of life: who knows?
Any shout outs to people??? friends and evvyone!!!!! i love yoo all!

from kasami-san's site.

mused dettie at 10:43 AM [+]
...

friday night, toni, me, my sister, and jona are hangin out in jona's room watching friends reruns. anyone remember the episode where joey stars on this movie and he needs to be jewish? and well, he needs to be uncircumsized? yah. well if you dont, you still get the picture.

toni: don't they sew it back on when they cut it off?
me: they dont!
sister: yeah... they dont.
jona: what are you talking about?
me: why the hell will they cut it off then sew it back on? that's just stupid.
toni: what do they do then?
me: they cut off the skin.
sister: they do? yeah they do.
toni: what do they do then? what do they do with it? yah yah... they cut it off then they sew it back on!
me: they cut it off then they throw it away! why the hell will they sew it back on?
sister: haha.. sew it back on... [laugh]
toni: yeah they do!
me & sister: [laugh] sew it back on.. .[laugh]
jona: what are you talking about? what? what?!
toni: k whatever! they sew it back on. what they just cut it off then what? they sew it back on. lets ask justin then...((justin walks in))
toni: oh there he is... justin, justin. when you get uhm... when you get circumsiced, dont they cut the thing off then sew it back on?
justin: no. they cut it off then they throw it away.[moment of silence] why the hell would they cut it off then sew it back on???
me: exactly!!!!
toni: what?! i like see the dumpster where they throw those stuff.
everyone: everyone laughs except toni and jona.
jona: what? what happend?!?

that was a messed up friday.

mused dettie at 6:09 PM [+]
...

ate lek called kanina... we laughed for 15 minutes yata lol... then she hung up na kasi its too costly lol. grabe yun. hmmm... still havent foned patty. blah. i was calling nung monday? tuesday. kaso no one'd pick up! so dope. yun pala wala sila sa bahay... at out of range ang celfone. ahaha~ then i spent the rest of my fone card talking to kevin. hahhah... oh... i think i can call her now... ack... i cant... blah blah!!!! i feel so messed up. ok. i got another email. from him yepp charmy. HIM. anyway... i like getting emails. ^^ and replying is a good part of it too. specially if they mail u back. and he did. ahahaha... ok ok. he emailed me... bout 3 days or so ago... i mailed him back... then, he emailed again... so i mailed back^^ lol... damn... my legs hurt... im so achey... and ... haaay~ i hate gym!!!!! hmmm.... kevin moved blogs? wth kev. hahaha~ hoowell. im running out of things to blog about. lol... NOT. i always manage to make a supposedly short blog look longer. and u realize there was literally nothing in it. like... no info whatsoever. zip. nada. ah hell. i hate gym. haaay~

mused dettie at 7:26 PM [+]
...

bernadette... ur so stupid. ur so so so stupid! hmm... ate lek's on revision stat. so cool! aheeheehee~ i wanna learn frames... i wanna learn how yoo can put bgmusic... and all that crap... i wanna learn how to use photoshop. aaaaah~~~ i hate stupid seiyuu's. they sound so gay!!!!!!!!!!

mused dettie at 7:13 PM [+]
...

hmm i used this stylesheet on my 'qyhky' too~ hehheh...oh well. anyways... here's the first day dillemma~

first off, what will you do if you've been wandering along in the school halls to kill time, and you see some person trailing you just about 10 steps away, then sits 3 tables away from you doing nothing while you have some coffee, then after several minutes of walking around, you see the same person, still trailing you?
second, what will you do if you see some person running in the school halls at 8:10am when school starts at 8:57am and there are just about 10 people in the school excluding teachers and staff?
third, what will you do if you've been running for several minutes from something you're not sure of just because you're paranoid then get all too tired and people starts to stare?

the story.

i got to school a bit too early...and well, i decided to wander off to see how the west wing is different from the east wing... theyre practically identical, btw. but i needed to kill the hour so i went on my so-so expedition. while doing so, i saw a bunch of guys talking by the vending machine. ok. i dont care. when i got to the west wing, some d00d was walking with me. so while i was there, he was there... ok.. maybe he was checking if his TA was there too. ok... but when i got to the other wing, he was still there! ok...maybe he was wandering the halls just to kill time too. but that was really getting to me...

i decided to have some coffee. when i sat at one table reading while having my coffee... the d00d was there... sitting about 2 or 3 tables away from me... doing nothing!!!!!! when i left and went back to the west wing to see if my TA's there already... he was trailing me... he was still behind me!!!!! in any case... i freaked out and started running till i got tired. which was i dont know... weird? i guess i was over paranoid...

the few people who were at the halls laughed seeing some stupid girl running in the halls as if she was late for class or sumthin... and its about 40 minutes till the bell rings... then another group of people sees a girl just sit in the middle of the east wing hall, panting for dear life and all too tired hahaha they started laughing at how immature i am.

whatever...

mused dettie at 3:44 PM [+]
...

heehee... hold, i'm gonna use this other thing to well, just see how it goes. hmm... oh. did i just type it up? whatever. woo~!

mused dettie at 3:16 PM [+]
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You're fiercely loyal to the people that matter the most to you - no matter how unusual they turn out to be. You're gifted, smart and can play one mean instrument, but you're fairly good at pranks if you have the mind to. You have principles to uphold, and you stick by them when the going gets tough. You're the ideal concept of a best friend - and most times you don't even know it. Which Gravitation Character Are You?

mused dettie at 7:45 AM [+]
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you know what's so great? yupp yupp!!! the dettemeister's back! and there's no stopping her!!!!! btw, i might paste the dumb first day event here too. whatever... i might... and well, evvyone'll get a good kick out of it, maybe ya? well... so-so, i better get off the pc. layterwards minna!

mused dettie at 9:56 PM [+]
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...STILL ON HIATUS!
well, so-so, i'm all good, thankyouverymuch. so thinking i'd die not talking to him these past nites, and well, im ok. i lasted the days that went without my connection, tho i ever so lovingly **laugh** gaze upon it from time to time reminiscing the moments when i'm still connected. i miss everyone...greatly... and all's i can say bout my new school is its pretty much depressing me and... it barely started. **sigh**

charmy, thankyou so much for leaving notes sa kabilang blog. i miss evryone, yoo specially... duh. for some reason i've gone real close to yoo. **is that a good thing??????** ok. well, as for avril being, well, a foney, she is. i'm over the craze anyway, and i still love her songs, tho i dont like her as i used to, back when i thought she was all real. **shrug** ate lek, nakalipat ka na ba? i'll try to access ur site after this... im at school btw, and well, u know, filtered and whatever... i really miss everyone. nangangapa na nmn ako. sigh**

I've been reading the old logs... and i found bee's and mine's... somehow, i deleted everything, but my sister has them. i read them anyway... and i was laughing at myself. he really was reminding me of someone. no wonder i liked him. he was over nice. u can never cease to miss that guy. yah... charmy's ryt. i do miss him. pero its not like before . maybe i just got used to the fact that someone was paying attention to me. hahahahah..... i even saw the 'truth or dare' log... god, i was turning red just reading it and i feel embarrased for some reason. gee. i kept loads of logs... maybe i should get rid of them... pero they're really nice... in more ways than one. specially when james said i'm better... and how strong i am... and when lancey said they cared. little things really add up to something. maybe those little things that bee used to do reminded me of someone really nice to me. haaay... moments...

i called kevin last nite... sa kabila charmy, si g3no5yd41[parang ganyan] kasi he published a post na he was so depressed... my sister scared the ehck out of me.. so i called him up and told him that i've had episodes like that and he should be tough coz he still has cousins like us. and we care. well, i think i just messed up his mind. since i have to deal with the same thing i guess i wasnt much help to him... **sigh** well he did say he's ok. he should be. and as for me... i better sort myself out.. and what i thinkf... anf what i feel... and everything. **smiles** i love you everyone! i miss yoo!! hope i'd be back soon... and i might change colors. blah. bear with me. i'm dead. patty!!! i've been calling nung monday, kaso walang sumasagot sa cel at sa home fone. i couldnt call sunday kasi dheb called^^ bai bai minna.

mused dettie at 1:01 PM [+]
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