...all i want is you.

-- Sunday, June 30, 2002 --

i totally blew it. hahhah! too bad for me. now, i'll be stuck here all summer. ah well. serves me right i guess. who am i trying to kid about? i know perfectly well i didn't do anything worth this. so why? why me? this is SO un-fair.

i've been generally, grounded since december. i never went out, unless with the rest of the family since then, besides school, i'm either at gramma's or here. so what else do they want? its not like they still have a life to suck out off me. this is so harsh. they can't take my PC. i might well, nothing! well, i donmt think they will. they alwaysa say they will when i mess it with `em. but they dont get anything from me, so they'd eventually give it back, coz, it's not like i ever go out, or anything else. hahahaha! and they have nothing to black-mail me with anymore if they get rid of the one reason why i stick with the 'grounded' rules. hehheh.

i did a major clean-up today. not my room, my moms'. lol, well it was like a pigs' place. wehehehe... my sister and i hang-out here kasi. kaya nababoy na lol. duh. take me for one, its not like i dont make enough mess already. add my sister. what a racket! lol. it's so neat now. ^^ im proud. well, now that there's no worries left for me, maybe i'll just blabber some more laterwards.

mused dettie at 8:15 PM [+]
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yey~! goo' mornin'! and it IS morning woohoo~! i'll keep the summer resolves i planned. so there.

mused dettie at 10:03 AM [+]
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[burp] psh.. how rude was that? well, it wasnt me. i just remembered that just now. bl;ah. ill sleep na. now habang di pa mashadong behind sa 'curfew'

mused dettie at 12:06 AM [+]
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whoa sumthin's muddled in my stupid thing... geez.

hmm... have i been to abe's place? guess not. well, ill visit first thing tomorrow. i am so hyper~ pardon... i cant be hyper here coz i might end up posting more shit thjan i originally do. ble~~h. oooh~ i said i wont be spending times later than midnite up. suxx for my resolution then. i dont think ill be turning in anytime soon. ah well, ill do it tomo-, err, later rather.

mused dettie at 11:56 PM [+]
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yeah. finally got to talk to bee after ages and ages and ages! i miss him so much! heehee. ate anne will be so happy for me!!! well, she helped me get thru this... lalalala. aheeheehee. happy1 lol. heehee. oh, browen's here, and he's staring at me. maybe he thinks im being stupid giggling to myslef for no visible reason. [to him atleast.] lol ah well. i'll talk to bee. blog ya later. lol. ah that's stupid. errr. mebbe he wont talk to me anymore coz he's seen how ugly i am. --_--'
haaa~y

mused dettie at 5:54 PM [+]
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I decided for my summer resolutions, I'll wake up before 11 AM, and sleep before midnight. Well, wish I can manage those. They could be awfully hard.

mused dettie at 3:27 PM [+]
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hahhah! yeah i still am here. what was i doing? well, i was dl-ing david usher crap. shuttup. i am a major sucker for un-cool stuff. well, atleast i know what i like. :p ahahaha! wow! avril's really rockin' woohoo! who rules? not me that who. ok, that means that could be anyone! woohoo1 hail for you1 it can you! aint that just grand? now now. dont let this get to ur head. what the~? i just said dont get this on ur head! oh no! ah greatness. --_--'

woohoo~! it looks even stupid-er than before. gawd. now i am wishing for the white sheet i stole somewhere. bla~~hrgh. i feel stupid. i need some ice cream~. hmmm but i just finished half of it. if i finish off the rest id be dead tomorrow. aw shitz. life's never fair.

mused dettie at 2:48 AM [+]
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wahahahaha~!
i cant sleep. --_--' gawd. i saw this thing on this show on TV, and it was well, rather disturbing~ in a way. but then again, its interesting. still, i wish i didnt stick with it. but well, there wasnt anything else that wasnt mental which was on that time, so i watched it. it still was gruesome, and now i keep thinking of it. suxx for me. i think i'd work on a rather n/m its kind-of private. LoL. c'mon. i wasnt thinkin' nasty stuff. it's just some gnarly events i'd do if i'd ever see anything like it in real life. eep! i sure wish i wont have to. **shudder** laterwards i might sleep this over. LoL who's the psycho freak? I AM! err, no contest to that huh? so there.

mused dettie at 1:46 AM [+]
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oh phooey~ this will take a load of trash. gawsh.. hahhah! i suck eep!

mused dettie at 10:00 PM [+]
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i'm currently trying to darken things up a bit. so if you happen to drop-by, and its getting you confuzzled, well better come back later wards, coz i tend to figure out what i screwed up on. ^^ hmmm... [i wish, hehheh...]

mused dettie at 10:00 PM [+]
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hahahahaha~! my mom had me going with this 'clean-out-your-room-you-big-goof-or-you'll-have-ur-mom-on-ur-back-forever' deal... so i decided ok~, what better way of wasting your first official day of freedays! just let it go~ aite? so i was there. staring at my bed. generally unmade. hahhah! and a stack of junk. some old poetry, [wooshoo!] and my 'carricature' of someone ah! i cracked so bad. gosh! it has a tiny heart in it, and loads of scribbled letters that spell out his name. gee. obssession freak!!!! i just sat there, staring at my carricature. and i found a whole bunch of other neat stuff from last year in my closet. i spent a good hour doing so. oh well, i didnt clean it up, but i doubt my mom wouldnt quit it with me, coz for one, she'll be putting it up with my sister, for staying out too long, leaving me and mom with the chores. muahaha!! good for her! browen's hyped. i was sitting there, eating some ice cream, when he came dashing in and sat right smack on my lap. hehheh. all i got to say was 'what the~' then i smiled coz he was ogling at me so sweetly. [awww~ big huge puppy eyes~~] cant get enuff. hehheh. whow. so i guess, i'd have to clean up my room later wards, coz well, i have to find my treasured pen. [pen freak~ --_--']

hmmm. aint josh hartnett just plain gorgeous? aheeheehee. if you dont agree; shuttup. oh well. i guess i'd be a typical girly-girl kid who gets obssessed with magazines. so there. even so my mom thinks its a waste of money, [which it is...] i'll spend some of her money on magazine subscriptions. muhahahaha! evil. evil i say!!!!

i saw someone's nice blog. hehheh. [jealous... --_--'] wala lang. its so frustrating when you see smarty people's blogs. hehheh, and yours is just plain crappy as hell. buhuuhuu U_U whehehe... tinopak na naman... hehheh. ^^ oh well. i saw bee, and well... heehee... la lang. just, weird. hahhah! oh, i might call if... IF i have some money. [that is a big IF there... *sigh] blue! ehehheh... but-- hmmm. lets get dark. and what-ever else word that fits being dark.

mused dettie at 5:27 PM [+]
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How Hard Do You Fall?

Crush Enough!

You may get knocked out every once in a while by one of those shy, funny, totally adorable great guys — but let's face it, they don't come along that often. And you don't waste your time with posers! Yes, you love to be in love, but you also know the difference between passing infatuations and the real deal. You're rarely head over heels for someone, so it's not that hard to keep your head in the dating game and avoid impulsive moves. The next guy you fall for will have the pleasure of knowing he's not one of many, but one in a million! .


What Are Your Romance Rules?

Mostly A's
You're cool and carefree!

Love doesn't have to be hard, and for you it's a no-brainer!

That's because nothing fazes you or freaks you out. You're a great believer in the old saying that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and if things don't work out with one boy — you'll just wait until the next comes along! Guys love your chilled-out nature, but just make sure you're not so casual that they don't even know you like them!


Got this result from this 'ym mag' quiz thingie. I think theyre rather good results mwehehehe

oh, PS: I like swords, and I like sword-chucks. But I like you very very much.

mused dettie at 4:36 PM [+]
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blog dead for a week. hahhah! oh well, my mom decided to have my inet cut off for the finals.... to get me off the PC, but hey! didnt work. i spent most of my time playing solitaire, and pinball mweheheheh. she flipped totally, but what can she do? hehheh. oh, i did pretty good on my finals, and i failed computers. ga~h. lol, that's coz all i did during class was go on chat rooms, [which i wasnt s'posed to, and i never did any of my exel crap things. lol i suck.] AG's down, and i hate it. mwehehehehe. so i guess im back to kick some honey assed losers. muhahahaha! who sucks now? dumb ass. lol... j/k. im just minorly psyched. a;right scratch the minor part. major psyched out woohoo!

mused dettie at 3:07 PM [+]
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Perfect
--Simple Plan

Hey 'you' look at me.
Think back and talk to me.
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I’m wasting my time?
Doing things I wanna do?
‘Coz it hurts when you'd disapprove all along.

And now I try hard to make it.
I just want to make you proud.
Im never gonna be good enough for you.
I cant pretend that I'm alright.
And you cant change me.

‘Cuz we've lost it all.
Nothing lasts forever.
I’m sorry.
I can’t be perfect.
Now its just to late and we cant go back.
I’m sorry.
I can’t be perfect.

I try not to think about the pain I feel inside.
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me,
Now seems so far away.
And it feels like you don’t care anymore.

And now I try hard to make it.
I just want to make you proud.
I’m never gonna be good enough for you.
I can’t stand another fight.
And nothing's alright.

‘Coz we've lost it all.
Nothing lasts forever.
I’m sorry.
I can’t be perfect.
Now its just to late and we cant go back.
I’m sorry.
I can’t be perfect.

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said.
Nothing's gonna make this right again.
Please don’t turn your back.
I can’t believe it’s hard just to talk to you.
‘Coz you don’t understand.

‘Coz we've lost it all.
Nothing lasts forever.
I’m sorry.
I can’t be perfect.
Now its just to late and we cant go back.
I’m sorry.
I can’t be perfect.

change the word dad, to 'you', friend. some friend u are... gawd... i wont keep this up, and try to keep our friendship if u dont care anough. so there. die! ok, i am sorry, if you dont think i am , well, what ever that is that made you mad. let you off so go free. separate ways. just please dont blame me. i tried my best, and im sorry i wasnt good enough for u. sorry. well good luck! i cant say ill always be here when u need me, coz u lost me. from now on, officially. so there.

'you' is really *dad in the original song..

mused dettie at 12:08 AM [+]
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lol, that was well detailed, i think, lol suxx for u... well, dont read it.... its just the boring crap of a boring exam day. hahahaha! well, matt's workin' on `nother site thingie of his, lol... and his tracker thingie's not working. kaya yun. eh nako...wala lang. so there.

mused dettie at 10:01 PM [+]
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hahahaha!

last nite, i was talkin with chris, (so it was 47, i thought it was 127, or something else, like, i17, ii7, or whatever else. [yeah, that's how crappy his hand writing is.] suxx for u chris!!!) hahaha, well he was being a nasty kid. [ come to think of it, so was i, well, i was bored! cut me some slack here! im human! or humane rather. ] heehee.

phooey~! i had the english test this morning. hehheh. i was late. can u imagine that? the whole frickin' school, from the supervisors, the principal, the teachers, to all the freakin' kids all in the gym for the stupid test, and i come barging in. (well, not really barge in, i just went in, and i tripped, then went, 'oh, am i late?' and everyone was lookin' at me!! it would've been ok if they were just lookin', but they were ogling at me. literally OGLING at me. and my class people, were like, 'yo bernie, over here.' then i idly walked over to where i was s'posed to sit. that was one major embarrassment. muahhahaah!! smart huh?) so i was writing the test there, with everyone else. well, i was really just starting, then i realized i lost my pencil. [ i prolly dropped it in the train, coz i was running, (ya know... i was late?) and i must've dropped it then.] suxx. i was looking round to everyone, but theyre all too deep in with the test. so i was like, 'um ms. allen, err, d'ya have an extra pencil or something?' she looked at me and smiled a sort of weird smile, [not annoyed, nor mad... kind of amused.] then she went 'bernade~~~te... didnt ya know u'd need a pencil today?' i said 'i did bring a pencil, but i lost it.' she gave me one, then i went back to the test, and all went normal from then. not till i got it over with. ga~~h. i was on the train station, and i was like, carrying all these art crap i left at the nurses room. i ussually hang out in the nurses room, [coz there i get to watch DVD's on my school laptop] and i sort of had a bunch of pencil crayon's there... and mrs. farrel gave me a bunch of art crap too. so i had a whole bunch of art crap on the station.... good thing it wasnt rush hour. i walked home, carrying everything. suxx. and it was hell hot. --_--'

i was so~~ sleepy when i got home... but my mom was like. 'BERNADETTE JOY ACOSTA~~~~!" oops, trouble. i realized i left Browen loose this morning, and he kind of caused a minor riot. either way, my mom was pissed. [ she doesnt appreciate Browen's cuteness. well, browen loves me, and he's always the sweetest thing to me^^] in other words, i had to fix the mess. i was tired still. so there. then, i watched some crappy TV shows... i dont really know what shows... im more like, dazed. kaya yun. nakatanga lang ako sa TV... and it worked. killed 3 hours of my day, and i didnt even realize it. wouldve worked better if i slept, but, heck. so there.

mused dettie at 9:52 PM [+]
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this day sucks!!!!!

first, i had to wear a dress, and i had crap on my face, and my hair...--__--' so in other words... i was in hell this morning. [ well it was.... duh!]

it got better after wards. sides the fact i died, for my feet were killing me(cause of the uncomfy shoes) and i had all these crap on me.... it turned out well. i had fun with my class, as our last day together, without the finals pressure. --_--' speaking of awhich, we had our other final test today... it sucked. hell. so there. anyways, so yeah. i changed right after we had the mass. [obviously i couldnt stand it really] so yeah... then, all the other people in our batch were in one bunch at lunch. that was so great. considering.. we ussually are divided into which people are friends and stuff like that. we were having so much crazy-fun again. that rarely happens. so i was on a picture frrenzy.... and cool, i know, but i ran out of film!!! damn huh? well, its ok...i got most of the fun stuff we did on film, and that counts for something, so it aint entirely bad.

bee left offline messages. well, acctually i was online.... kaso, i was doing chores... and i missed him. i feel so bad all the same about it. i missed him1 he goes online once.... after alot of months...[not really just 2] and i miss him~! just because im doing my stupid chores. i know, i feel bad. i feel like crying now.... and matt's messin' with me, well, he gave up on it anyways... lol

Amakusa_Shougo> u suck ~_~ ...
stranger-lady> wtf?
Calintz_Cerevinan> wtf who r u?
Calintz_Cerevinan> ??
stranger-lady> sheesh
stranger-lady> u send me a message
stranger-lady> and ask me who am i
stranger-lady> who sucks now?
Calintz_Cerevinan> o.O send message?
Calintz_Cerevinan> what
Calintz_Cerevinan> what r u talking about
stranger-lady> screw off... n/m.
Calintz_Cerevinan> O.O
Calintz_Cerevinan> ..lol kidding miss
stranger-lady> hah
stranger-lady> serves u right
stranger-lady> :p

heehee, .... this day has been bad. it sucked. why? it hasnt been really good for me. and im still broke. so there.

mused dettie at 9:36 PM [+]
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ok. so now i better go sleep...and take a bath. lalala!!!....a nice long ba~~th. woohoo! aw great...i hafta dress up tomorrow or else my mom would ground me more....and well... yeah....i hafta...coz she'll make me stay in and lock me in here all summer...and that would suck, coz it cant be good. so ill go on a dress.

wish i die soon.

so there.

mused dettie at 9:48 PM [+]
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yey! im at school, doing this blog entry. computer class is a drag... so there. we dont have anything else to do..... hahhah!!! so yeah~.

well well, i better try and change these things here, but i dont have my list thingie~.... sheesh.... oh, BTW, we wont do anything tomorrow, but my religion test. and the chair move thingie, and the 'mass'. hahahahaha!!!!! chris beat me twice on the chess game... lol that's how much i suck at it. im so bad at it hahahaha!!! phooey...better drop this, and get working ...

evvyoone's been mean to me since this morning. since they found out im tivklish, they wont quit it. (thanks to kevin for telling them!!!) so now im on constant guard for mean people.... and people who pull my hair.... just for the heck of it. aint myu life sucky?[tho i dont really have that.(i meant anything good to do, or anything worth doing?) ga~~h]

is it my fault that andrew got addicted to 8 bit theater after he saw me reading it in class? LOL... he's right next to me laughing himself out. [goodie the teachers are not here, and the sub for mr woodly's sub is mr bortolin, and he doesnt care. hahhahahha!!! ack, bell went.

mused dettie at 11:17 AM [+]
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Avril Lavigne. she rocks. So does Princess Sara. I am sick. Feverish and bloody dazed.

Just something... an exerpt from my story.

Whilst walking home from school, one warm sunny day, she was dreamy of a future yet to come. He was anxious to know of things she might have planned. He isnt so sure of himself. They're young.
"But if he'd ask you to marry him, will you?"
Asked an innocent boy of 17 to a girl of 14.
"Well, it would depend who'd ask me, if I love the guy, then maybe I will. That would depend greatly on how the proposal will come you know..."
The girl answered fiddling with a pretty flower she picked.
"You're just saying that... If you see the smart rich guy you keep dreaming of, I'm sure as the day light, you will marry then."
He said dragguing his feet staring at them as if they mattered the most. Could anyone be more dense and naive?
"Why the sudden interest? Besides, I wouldn't marry anytime soon."
(He said something barely audible, yet distinct.)"You make me different, and I am not liking this..."
"Why so quiet?"
She inquired, sheepishly.
He stopped, and stared at her after a long yet solemn silence.
"I love you."
"You don't mean that..."
The girl mumbled, half sure, and went away. Walked off without turning back.
"Love isnt a thing to play around with, niether is a girl's romantic dreambe made fun of."

mused dettie at 9:16 PM [+]
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ok, n/m. i was working on that design last night, working up the codes, but i lost it. ah well. i'as gonna work on it again, since i still remember the basic coding i was using. and my s'possed theme, but im tired. i really feel sick. i better go sleep. or else ill be dead. and my mom'll hate me more. not that more hate is possible. she hates me too much i dont think she has room for more~~.

this life reeks badly. i feel sick, no mood for moping, but i thinmk i really need to mope seriously. but, n/m. so brain frozen. i guess its got nothing in it so it froze so fast. why, we did 2 testing things for english, another 2 for science, and one major major long one for math. and were doing this other chapter for social. im dead. gawd. my head hurts so bad. my brain feels like its gonna blow off. ice cream~~~~~~I WANT SOME!!! GIMME SOME!!!!

it was RAINING when i was on my way home. t'was greatness. i love the rain. kahit na mejo malamig kanina, kasi mashadong mahangin. hahaha! i was drenched! n ah well. i astill loved it. i didnt take browen out today... well, he'll just get wet out, and he'll stink up the house. he's still the sweetest thing tho. oh~ normally i'd feel terrible for losing my new design, but n/m. odd.

tomorrow's gonna be a total drag. so's thursday. my mom said i shan't go to the mass for the recognition thingie~ why? coz i have no plans what-so-ever for it. i do not intend wearing a dress for that. besides, all we'd do is get the pin anyways. its no big deal. it doesnt mean that since evvyone else's dressin' up, i'd have to as well. that'd just suck. well, i cant skip school on thursday for i'd have a final test that day. so suxx for my mom. id go anyways, even if i'd look like a rag doll there. [mind you, im nothin' doll like.]

mused dettie at 8:47 PM [+]
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8-Bit Theater!

check that out. laugh your hearts out. muhahahaha!

went to my school. and had a bit of talk with my TA next year. she's rather nice. well, i liked her. hmmm. problem, dress code next year, i need navy and white clothes thingie. ah fudgey, i feel sick again, and no word from bee again. suxx for me... ah well. no one's posted anything on their bloggies, and the taggers are messed. so there. ill try to find a new provider thingie for those kinds of crap. working on the other other layout, i might use it by tomorrow. [note the MIGHT]

mused dettie at 7:17 PM [+]
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hmmm... so far, got nothing all ineteresting, but the fact i had to walkt browen today. he was dragging me~~~ literally. wasnt on IRC's. i was for a few, but not all that lengthy a time. why? well, for one i didnt feel like it, sides, no one to talk to anyways... working on a new CSS thing. testing it now, but i wont keep it up~... gomen for inconveniences~~
again... messy shit. its ok, but its not right. testing it served its purpose. now back to the recent one. thanks.

mused dettie at 10:12 PM [+]
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its early morning again.... and school's in a few... wish the finals'd get over and done with without me doing it. thursday's coming-- i was waiting for bee last night, but my head's killin' me so bad. so i had to get off. sides, my mom got home. --_--'' miss him terribly. i hate school, and mondays' coz i'd have to get to school. shuckz! i wish it's already summer. that would be fun!

now i hafta go to the doctor... [mom said] ah well~~ she really thinks i'm sicker than i really am. mebbe coz' she's got this blood count thingie since she was li'l and got it from gramma, mebbe she thinks i got it from her too! [mebbe she's right~] hmmm... breakfast, would be~: coke and toast with PB & J, and some milk...? mom makes me drink loads of milk... she think i aint healthy... maybe i aint really... im too skinny for a normal person~. LOL

mused dettie at 7:23 AM [+]
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We just went o'er at gramma's. there was some 'father's day celeb' thingie. i did say happy father's day to evvyone else but my dad. it was fun. i ate a bit. i wish they had some ice cream. finals on thursday. suxx huh? well well, serves me right. i better start studying i know... but hey... sue me. im too lazy! [refer to the test...lol] i'm trying to wait for bee.... but mom'll be home soon... and ive been pretty sick lately, so i bet she'll nag as hell [not that she doesnt most of the time....] if she see's me online...[again.] but i missed bee terribly....and i really wanna talk to him.....

screw the nagging!!!

i'm working on a more decenter layout.....but ive learnt my lesson on not testing it here right away. lol. c'mon cut me some slack ehre.. im a newbie. i hate talkcity. of all the times to be down, it picked now. i miss bee. ahh~. i was working on the 'appreciates' page, but of all the times for GeO to screw up, it chose then... so it's still not working. and the ICQ link suxx. i aint got no clue oon how to get it to work. waiting~~~ for bee.....

mused dettie at 10:29 PM [+]
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Things I'll Never Say
--Avril Lavigne

I’m tugging out my hair
I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I’m staring at my feet
My checks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head

[Pre-Chorus]
(Cause) I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah

[Chorus]
If I could say what I want to say
Id say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say

It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

[Pre-Chorus]

[Chorus]

What’s wrong with my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble off
Like I’ve got nothing to say

[Pre-Chorus]

Yes I’m wishing my life away with these things I’ll never say
If I could say what I want to say
Id say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
These things I’ll never say

Love the song,. Ahhh~!

mused dettie at 6:32 PM [+]
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hmmm.... i happen to drop by the forums after having a li'l talk with piper o'er at AIM, and, saw a message from bee after, what... 2 months. [60 days acctually] hmmm... and i said i'd let go last monday.... hahaha!!! missed u bee!! wee~!!! hmmm.... nikki said she cant see the page properly.... did i do sumthin wrong? it looks fine on my browser.... maybe i did do sumthin wrong.... ah well... i suck at this... really really bad.

new tags on my taggy. nice^^ thankzies piper & nikki

mused dettie at 4:52 PM [+]
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just more junk..im not sure if the ICQ link works... gomen... i still hafta figure it out

mused dettie at 2:41 PM [+]
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Take the World of Darkness Quiz
by David J Rust

You're SLOTH! You're extremely lazy. There's just no other way to put it! Your loner attitude gets in the way of your social life sometimes. You're represented by the color aqua.

You are 40% evil! You're more good than evil, but not by much. You've drank straight from the carton of milk in the refrigerator, and maybe kicked the neighbor's cat, but you're still good. Kinda.
Take the test[?]

lol, obviously nothing else to do... i kinda enjoy these test thingies...lol..kinda interesting i think.

mused dettie at 1:18 PM [+]
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ladidum... so i'll just go eat some waffles... lalalala...no one online but me..suxx, ussually people are online at this time, kaso WAA in TC's shut down gawd. that's such a drag... major revamp on the chatter's life and daily schedules...mwehehehehe

mused dettie at 10:17 AM [+]
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yay!!! its ok now. nothin' over somethin' else, and im tired of my pc[weird huh? ussually i cant survice without it. but i was on all nite, and part of the morning...gawd... i was online say, from 2 pm yesterday...till 3 am... then i gor up at 7 am, and went back online at.... 8 sumthin...lol..ok... lol..later] i said later...how how....ewan...lol

mused dettie at 10:05 AM [+]
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its comin' to! its comin' to!!! yay!! my new version.... gee i wish i knew how to do this not manually...gawd...[ok, its working properly now. easy on me pls. im a newbie at this CSs/text crap thingie....]

mused dettie at 9:54 AM [+]
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....this suxx... now, everything's disappeared....gee. i suck [woohoo! its back!! yey!] still sucky...im workin' on it!

mused dettie at 9:30 AM [+]
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its a sunday...and im up early. ok ok, its rather odd, but hey...i had a good sleep^^ well well, still looks undenyably awful. gawd... ill work my hardest.... hmmm... might look a whole new different layout all in all.. but lets just work on this one till it looks decent-er enough.

working! working on this still limited capabilities... limited gains....

mused dettie at 8:35 AM [+]
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ok, now the 3rd columns there... but its not s'posed to be right on top of the other column...gee..... i suck at this...gawd...fine fine..ill sleep.

mused dettie at 12:36 AM [+]
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none worth saying..... none worth typing... so there.

oh, BTW, pardon for the nonsense on the yadda stuff. ok ok...ill go sleep... im listenin' to averil lavigne...she's cool..-end-

mused dettie at 11:41 PM [+]
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okaaaay. my blog looks entirely die-fferent but not all that good. either way, i tried, and that's what counts. still, atleast it shouldve been somewat better..... suxx. anyways, im too tired... from chatting... and trying to get this 3 column thingie to work... im just gonna leave this at this.... and ill work on it tomorrow. then, when im done this shitty blog, and it doesnt look as shitty, well, ill start studying. lalalala...i wish i dont get this fixed..so then i wont have to study... AT ALL!!

well, who cares anyway? lalalala...im inlove with....you ...lalalala..that song's stuck in my head.... hmmm.... never had to talk to anyone that matters today about anything that counts...so there.

mused dettie at 9:19 PM [+]
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blah blah yadda yadda blah blah blah yadda yakki yadda blah blah yakkiddi yakkiddi yakk yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yakkiddi yakkiddi yakk yakk yakkiddi yakk yadda yadda blah blah yadda b;ah yakkiddi yakkiddiyakkiddi yakk...blah blah blah yadda yadda blah blah

sorry for my nonsense... i was desperate.ladidum desperate. the other column wont show....

mused dettie at 7:42 PM [+]
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Ok, so now I'm slaving away, trying to make a frickin decent-er layout. i suck so bad at this... but since its crappier than the last one... well, i suck worse. ga~`h.. pardon... it suxx so baad... U_U i feel bad already...i think im doing better tho... i hope

mused dettie at 6:52 PM [+]
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eeerrgh.. pardon for my disgusting messy place. i was trying to get something to work, i was working on a 'supposedly' decent layout.... i just made it worse. please, bear with me, im working my best-est.... sorry sorry for the ugliness....

mused dettie at 6:12 PM [+]
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hmmm. im trying to make my decent layout to work out. i seriously need a new decent one. if this meddling im doing wont work...aah well, tough luck, ill just stick with old one.
my place will be down for a few... gawd...

mused dettie at 4:26 PM [+]
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ga~~h. tiring day.. TC's still messed up. so there. anyways, no next episode for 8-bit, suxx... ah hell... i hafta go sleep...lalalalalalala

i realized i forgot an entry for yesterday's date... lol...i was finding this CSS thingie rather interesting.... tho, i never got to figure it out, i think im basically getting something done.

mused dettie at 12:11 AM [+]
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gawd. heehee. piper's so trusty. if she says she wont tease she wont...and she listens to my ranting bout my crush...mwehehehe...^^ feels good talking to her tho, after all were on the same sit. 'crush's major comeback' gah... anyways, i might...[MIGHT] work on a new layout. i seriously need a new decent one. i might, use photoshop, tho, i aint gots the hints on getting it to work. suxx. oh TalkCity's messed again. but we have the room, lon DALnet. #waa. oh, well.

we had a social studies study quiz. i did rather good. my math marks are down. i got a 63. my morrisson said it was ok. still, i had 81 last term. he said its ok considering evvyone else went down. for science, i got to get my note signed. its for my phenotypes chart thingie. which i didnt do.. hell. ah well. and for social, i got 78. woohoo!! and for science, i prolly flunked too. shop might be as bad. all my marks went down this term. ^^ suxx hey? well, right now, i am startting to have another headache. Aaron's on MSN, and so's Patty, and CEsca was on a few ago too. kuya nish is as always sleeping...LOL...abnyways... im off to sleep. headache..dowanna suffer gain...gee. and its friday tomorrow, we have double math. i cant afford miss review, for that's the best i could get. bla~~h.... need to get forced to study.... someohoe i wish my cable's get cut for... anbout 3 days... so id be forced to study... oh and my mom needs to get rid of all her novels, for id resort to reading danielle steel when i gots nothing else to do. ja.

mused dettie at 10:11 PM [+]
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saw this 'clickable' over at Gela's. is this s'posed ta be a good or bad thing? considering... it says...

17

I act like I'm 17.
This test was brought to you by BLX - Cheap laughs....

and... gee, i dunno, im only sixteen!!! BTW. woohoo! i feel mature-er now.

school was a drag. as always. well, i was feeling better. well, i didnt even do my second module for shop. blahahahahah.... i wasted. wasted so bad. LOL. anyways, visit Charrise's place. kewlies. nahnananana....

mused dettie at 5:56 PM [+]
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i cant post much. well, well, my headaches are coming back..and i had a terrible one all day. im ok now, yet, im not sposed to go online...for i tend to tire out my eyes. and well, get another nasty headache. hmm...finals are creeping in really quick. havent studied yet. fudgey. ah heck. ill be fine. anyways, i have to do my health notes.

mused dettie at 5:44 PM [+]
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whoa... listen to Still by Brian McKnight

Really nice song...Aaaaah....

mused dettie at 9:19 PM [+]
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earl had his bye... no more bloggy for him. best of days earl! well miss u.

sigh* this is driving me nutzy. gee. this suxx. ya know...the confused feeling.... like, everything feel wrong... i was sick this morning, and i still am. i woke up with my head feeling its gonna blow. i asked my sister to get me some painkiller thingies. she did. and i went back to sleep. i felt so sleep. i felt so terrible. then, by about 10, my mom had to drive to my sister's school. my sister left her gym strip. she left it here, [stupid kid!] so i had to get up and watch the kids. the medicine started to kick in by then, so i felt ok. i had some soup for b-fast... and went to lay down a bit, then i got up and started cleaning up the other room. my old room. [my sister and in the other room.] i took out the bed's base, and brought it downstairs by my self... i was carrying and lifting all those heavy furniture and brought them to the basement. [ from the second story to the basement, all on my own...] i was crying downstairs...with browen on my lap. [the huge cute sweet dog] he seemed to sympathize. i finally let go of bee for good. for good good. like... for seriously good real kinda thing. i asked for a sign. before today, the 11th... pag hindi pa ako nakakatanggap ng kahit anong balita galing kay bee, at may ibang tao, na badadating... ill let go.. and i wont let go kung isa lang sa dalawa ang magkakatotoo. kaso, both came to. hahhah!!!

my entry was interruppted by my urge to whack some one. then, ate anne came, and i had a talk with her. i feel all better na. emotionally. io still feel sick tho. sicker than i was this morning... gawd... my head is gonna blow. hmmm... mikzkie-doo was online today, and he said he'd never ever be back ever. gawsh...he's really mean to me... gee. anyway...gotta go sleep... feel tireed... feel sick... my back hurts...my eyes are watery... and i feel rather sad, but enlightened. goodbye bee. letting you go. it might not be forever... but i cant keep my hopes on you... when there's no assurance, for me from u. bye...

and i shall open my mind to other things...and offer my heart to someone else....

mused dettie at 8:59 PM [+]
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1 minute ago: i was looking at Browen's big doggy eyes... and said ur such a sweet thing!!!!
1 hour ago: i was reading gela's blog...[or maybe i was still downstairs...meddling with the kitchen junk making dinner.]
1 day ago: saturday... stayed home... waiting for SUNDAY to come... cant wait to get browen..
1 year ago: about this time of the year... my crush for someone faded away... then now... [for some reason...] its creeping back in..
Words to describe the situation now: upset. lost. confused. tragedy.
Things I want: my own fone... my own room [i dowanna share no more] those cool black shoes i saw... the kinds of shoes i used to wear. now i only wear girly shoe thingies now, and i font like em.. HP book 5. some one to talk to. my laptop for next year. a signed application form for my job.
Songs I listen to: what?? the genre's?? i listen to `most anything. alternative, modern rock, ballads, punk!!! woohoo!!
Things accomplished: basically, got browen... i love him.... and ticked off my father... whom i hate so much.
Windows open: the one nest to me.... the one in my room... [one i share with my sister...] opera, IE, RealPlayer, pIRCh.
Things around the computer: a tube of vaseline...[i dunno what the hell its for, and why the hell its here...] my blue mug^^, a popsicle stick... my mom's country CD thingie... my notebook, my sketchbook... a bunch of pencil crayons. 3 more pieces of gum
Thoughts of now: my long lost yet returning crush
E-mails: junk mails... ad's... ml digest.... note from a friend..
Lyrics: "i'm always thinkin' about u... i wonder if u can tell.. these things im feeling inside me... i keep them all to myself...scared to share my true emotions...dont want to love alone..."coz i fall so deep... u'll never know...how far id go...and i know why hearts beat desperately.. i fall so deep"'[i fall so deep, b-44] hahaha i know..im mushy.
Random: i feel sick... i never studied for my finals yet... im gonna be dead.
Spell your name backwards: ettedanreb yoj [sounds interesting...]
Where do you live: Calgary, AB, Canada.
Describe yourself in three words: psycho, insane, disorriented-freak
Who is your worst enemy? heey, im too nice to have enemies. at least real ones... i only mess with people. =Þ
If you could have ANY animal for a pet, what would it be? a dog. arren. [as in R N]
Do you know what a spork is? some kind of sport... some kind of sport? or mebbe some sort of animal... animal? or mebbe some kind of a made up word. what ever the hell..i dont care.
What is the latest you've ever stayed up? ? basically never sleeping at all... thats literally later than any time, i think..
Ever been to belgium? check my lifetime schedule.... never been there.
Toothbrush? blue handle... with blue and white bristles... and a lighhtblue grip rubber thingie..
Jewelry worn daily: Earings...
Shoes: 3 pais of regular runners, 1 pair of blue walking shoes 1 pair of sandals...[not the fancy schmancy kinds...the walking thingie ones. like the strappy thingie] a pair of black leather shoes... one pair of black clogs...a pair of black slip on sandals...and a freaky sandal that i never ever wore ever... i still own it tho...
Nail polish: I don't wear nail polish... either not interested enuff... or just plain lazy to put it on.
Handbag: i do not do handbags..
Perfume: Tommy girl...
CD in stereo right now: Dizzy up the girl: the goo goo dolls
Tattoos: None. id like a blue butter fly tho... a lil dinky blue butterfly...
Piercings: ear piercings..
Current music: alternative
Wearing: regulars... and my sleepy wear... my big huge sleepy shirt..[the one with the silver moon on it and the cute lil stick lady thingie]
Hair: about 4 inches above my waist..
Makeup: i dont do make up. just chapstick...[but that aint make up..its a necessity coz my lips chap].
In my mouth: hubba-bubba gum. [watermelon flavor]
In my head: a splitting migraine.
Hearing: Acoustic #13
Wishing: im inlove...
After this: ill drop by people's blogs and leave em junkies....

survey... stolen from gela's place.

[blah, re edited. at 11:49]

mused dettie at 11:26 PM [+]
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heres the catch. dont read. boring shit.

this morning was sucky. me and my dad had another one of our fights. hahahaha... i hate him so much. thats why. i cant stand him. he's always been a jack ass all my life... ngayon he's trying to steer my life. to hell with him... i got this far without him... ill go through the rest without him. as for my mom...well she was sort of tired of me loathing my father. i feel bad for that.. i mean..its not like being me, i mean having me isnt bad enuff. its not like we dont fight often enuff...tapos yun! away dito away doon kami ni dad. yun lang.... sabi nya sakin bwiseit daw ako sa buhay nya. ulol na yun.. mas lalo lang shang bwisit sa buhay ko. mas lalong lang shang peste sa mundo ko. ano bang ginawa nya? wala. pumirma lang nmn sha sa birth certificate ko...saka nagparaos sa mommy ko...ano pa ba ginawa nya para umabot ako sa ganto? wala! mommy ko nmn lahat ah.... ang kapal talaga ng muka nya.... badtrip yun... sira tuloy buong araw ko.

sumakit pa loob ko... kasi nung paalis na ko umiiyak si mommy. di pa dapat ako aalis. i left 30 minutes early...kaya...yun i had to get drenched in the rain...which was a good thing..... i was crying anyway.... not because i hate him so much...coz i feel bad for hurting my mom. she's been thru enuff... from my dad...and from evvything else. from me? being all hard headed as i am. i got thru with school...i was on my way home.... i didnt want to go home. i was standing idly at the crossing.... then i decided i should go home after all. i wasnt feeling well in the firstplace..... and in the second place.... im sick..and tired of being everything... sick of thinking... sick of having to go over the same old shit day after day after day.... its sickening..... i hate my life. well, atleast most parts of it, which includes my own father.

browen's a german shephered crossbreed with something else. he was my father's friend's... but he's rather hyper and huge for a 5 month old puppy... so the guy's wife kept hitting browen... the guy felt bad...so he gave browen to us.... weve been dying for a dog. and i got a huge dog. just what i wanted. cool! i am happy for that.... but i feel like shit for being such a nasty kid for my mom. gawd.

about my crush.... well, he still confuses me. about bee? i finally let him go... if he comes back...well... who knows...maybe i love him still. im not saying i love the other guy. i had a thing for him long ago... like last year? then it went off. then...it came back. its ok... he always manages to confuse me anyway...so its ok this way. atleast no ties...nothing... atleast i could say i like him enuff to say he's a crush of mine. nice. i think im improving. i only got thru the day ok because i was humming a song.... its by a band...called b-44... its called falling so deep. makes me think im inlove...keeping my mind off my anguish from home issues. u know the science rule... no two bodies can occupy the same space at the same time. so i got thru. not like i forgot of the whole deal all the same.... i dont...i acctually made a letter for my mom at school today... that's how much its got to me. kaso ill never give it to her anyway... atleast i got it out. i only did 2 pages of it .... kasi i got tired of writing.... pero i meant to write more. pero di bale na nga lang. malaki talaga galit ko sa tatay ko eh... hindi nga lang siguro malalaman kung anong dahilan kung biglang tingin. malakas din akong mamlastic eh. lalo na para kay mommy. kaso... ralaga namang hindi ko na sha makaya. sabi niola ikakasira ko daw tong galit ko na to... well, sabi ko nmn that's looking at it negatively.... id say id use it to get this over and done with...para makalayas na ko sa mundo nya...para pag dating ng araw...pagsisihan nya kung bakit nya sinaktan mommy ko...at bakit nya ko ginalit dahil sa katarantaduhan nya mulat mula pa. sorry na lanbg sha at hindi ako kagaya ng lola ko...at kagaya ni mommy na madaling magpatawad. firgiven and forgotten ang motto nila eh... ako siguro...naforgive ko na din...pero wag shang aastta sakin...dahil nde pa forgotten...i hate him. i hate him!!!

mused dettie at 10:40 PM [+]
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i wont post much today...tired... i love browen.. he's the coolest... ill give details later on...but then again...im too tired now...so yeah... lalalala i feel shot. u know.... like shot... in a sense, na nakakaloko...diba? yung tipong nakakaloko...la lang...sakit ulo ko...im in a crushed up mode. lalalalala

mused dettie at 11:15 PM [+]
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hmmm got opera running again. and i'm dloading screensavers.... lalalalalala im obssessing over....n/m. still. im hungry. gotta eat. layter days. mebbe, ill post the personal entry from yesterday... i might stop the personal one, ill just make evvything stay on this one.

mused dettie at 11:45 PM [+]
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i need someone to analyze the situation...a few ago. that should do it... he always makes fun of me with things i miss out on... he can be really really mean in lil ways...LOL. i'll miss him if he does mean that its goodbye. ah well.
misery. i lost something...i know i did...just that... im not sure yet. haay nakooo... ha~~y

mused dettie at 6:45 PM [+]
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hmmm yesterday's no entry day. i was tired. anyway, i had fun at the farewell... we went sa ranch. i had to get up early...i knew that..pero i woke up earilier than planned. an houy ahead of my alarm clock. suxx huh? anyway...there was a concert kahapon... matt's band. theyre the potent pollens.... lol...anyway...it was fun...theyre rather good for amateurs.... thenm i felt bored. so i got on the stage...as a joke lang dapat...then...i got someone's guitars..and played leaving on a jet plane..with matching singin'... changing the lyrics... it was like...all our bags are packed..were ready to go... were standing here....ur watching our show...we'd hate to tell u guys that it's goodbye.... but the dawn has broke in... this eraly morn... the bus was waiting... (not blowin' its horn) already ur so lonesome u could cry...... so listen, just smile for us...tell us u might wait for us...even tho u have to let us go....coz were leavin on a jet plane..we dont know if well be back again.... but hey...were happy to go....[ and so on...] nde ko na maalala yung exact words ko... basta..i was so hyped yesterday...singin and yelling and walking about..... im messed... u see.... my finals''ll be in 10 days... never even started studying...yeah...i know im messed... ah hell.... i hafta get over this...and i hafta work on my case study. suxx... he;lll... tyired... craving for some ice cream...

mused dettie at 6:35 PM [+]
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hmmm. farewell retreat tomorrow. that should be nice, i guess. well, i heard molly'll sing... and shtuffz. ah hell screw that.... off layter days... this better be good....ah~~ i better stare at my ceiling and hope to get some sleep before tomorrow comes. fudgey. hell.

mused dettie at 10:42 PM [+]
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The Reason Why


What did I do
Before the day I set my eyes on you?
Spending my time
Just working on the things I had to do
And then I saw your face
I was captured heart and soul
You gave me so much more

You're the reason why
I listen in the night
And steal the softest kisses
while you sleep
You're the reason why
Tears will fill my eyes
Just looking at a photograph of you

Touching my frown
Tell me what you read between the lines
Everything's alright
I know sometimes I act a little strange
You bring me so much joy
Conversations make me smile
How could I love you more

You're the reason why
I speak with foolish pride
Whenever there's a chance to
Show you round
You're the reason why
I lost this heart of mine
At the very moment you arrived

I can't believe this life was ever lonely
No I can't imagine life before you

You're the reason why
I'm holding on so tight
I never want to let this feeling go
You're the reason why
My love will never die
My heart just could not sing if not for you

What did I do
Before the day I set my eyes on you

ha~~y. friday's farewell. i dont feel like going. i feel bad. sides, well go to the ranch for a retreat thing... all day there. well, better than sitting in class, or staying here, bossed around and made to do all the crap. so i guess not much of a choice there. ill go. i feel like crying again. damn. i decided to use bee's nick, so i could see him. bad move. made me sadder than ever. its stupid. i know. ah fudge.

mused dettie at 9:24 PM [+]
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made a weird sort of evvyone team blog. la lang...stupid 8ball. BTW, ehem. well get a dog on saturday!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!

mused dettie at 11:31 PM [+]
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i feel terribly confused. somehow, what deathzkie said a few days ago's stuck in my head... gee. can it be? then there came this thing ...na pagmahal mo daw yung tao eh lagi mong binabanggit? i dont believe it...coincidence? no. evvythin' for a reason, a reason for evvythin' so pwede nga kaya na yung mahal ko ay hindi ko talaga mahal kasi nga yung lagi kong nababanggit eh yung totoo kong mahal? ah!!! i feel terrible. ive been crying last night. suxx. suxx!!!! he's the reason why..... ha~~y. now i feel like crying again. i dont need this shit. specially now. exams in 2 weeks.... projects way late. deep shit im in... i cant afford this now. ha~~y. ok, i decided i wont quit WAA since they decided to get lost. ah hell. sides. i cooled off na. very sensible and not crowded with anger. im just fine, ok great!

guitars... never played in ages...and the few chords i know...well, are well forgotten. aint that great? ah! i played soccer...yesterday..and today at lunch. it kinda fun...just standing there at the goal. watching all the action...then when the ball comes at me...i run away!!! yay!!!! aint i a great goalee? fudge... ah shuttap. [i know i suck]

mused dettie at 9:47 PM [+]
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guess what? stupid!. i was crying. why? bee! i was crying, coz i was thinking of him. how entirely sad. nakakhiya pa, kausap ko pa si jjay... that was just bad. and i still am crying. gawd. i totally lost it. damn. "The Reason Why" gawd. i seriously am crying.. like really. and it suxx. hate this. ah no!!! i'll get the lyrics sometime... tomorrow. ill put it up. this is exactly. exactly. I MISS BEE SO MUCH.!!!! ha~~y... I WISH HE FEELS THE SAME WAY... wishes wishes. ha~~y...

mused dettie at 11:37 PM [+]
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ah hell. peste's gettin to be one word frenzy on me. i keep saying it. --_--'' peste nga nmn kasi eh...hehheh..ah **beep**

mused dettie at 8:01 AM [+]
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... more dots. suxx! ah just gotta hate them. not the dots. the annoyance that pesters me. peste!

mused dettie at 8:00 AM [+]
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...

mused dettie at 8:00 AM [+]
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happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear gela
happy birthday to you!!!

woo!!! bday na nya... and she's 16^^ ay nako. kakaloko. ill be dead for science class. not to mention english. [heck i mentioned it!] ah screw that. anyways, GELA'S bday! happy happy!! ka aga aga... ay nako makapasok na nga... school suxx!!! nyetaa!

mused dettie at 7:59 AM [+]
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hmmm. the sampalan blues for the Ani-Con EB? natuloy ba? I heard, hindi yata natuloy? Ah ewan. Good for them, I guess nagkaroon na din ng sense. BTW, so far, carlo's had no will to blog, gela's gone? ewan. its GELA's bday!!!

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear gela
happy birthday to you!!!

wala na nmn akong masabi. ah well, right now, listening to "only hope" u know, from the movie 'A Walk to Remember' ay nako. the ipis people seem to have gone lost, ah hell. dont know, dont care. as for kuya jell-o again, ah i'll miss him! lol. ah, hmmm... i forgotz about my homeworks, more like projects. why? i got angry at the world. why? nasabon na nmn ako eh. ahahaha. why? well, yesterday, i got up at 3 pm, played PS till 3 am, slept till noon, after i got up, i went downstairs, slouched on, and got on with my reading. [im reading Tom Sawyer BTW. i read it before, but hey... just gotta love classics.] so, in short, did basically nothing. hah! the last time i acctually did my chores was on monday. considering that, maybe i deserved that nagging. eh, kasi nmn yung kapatid ko, nakina lola, doing nothing, but play PS, and what? she gets paid. ako? i stay here. ha! and im not allowed on the PC. taking care of a baby, and 2,4,5 and 6 y/o boys. pathetic. my life's a pathetic mess. i have issues. ah! and i cant get over them. i guess im gonna have to bear myself longer. question: how long will i last? ah heck. ooh, im hooked!!! i love swords! I LOVE SWORDS! --fighter

mused dettie at 8:51 PM [+]
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ok. im supposed to work on my LA newspaper article. oh, and on my Science phenotype chart. i didnt finish any of them, do!!! so now im in deep trouble. i love swords!!! ahahahaha...

ang cute cute^^ ah nako, reading people's bloggys... really neat. and i 'd be posting at the forums...ah heck. lalalalaa... im bored. and im terribly pissed off. why? MY MOM!!

mused dettie at 1:05 PM [+]
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